August 12, 2020
Last Sunday I didn’t finish scheduling blogs this week. There’s a reason for that, and it’s because my inbox was stuffed once again with articles in one way or another having to do with the Fauci-Lieber-Wuhan virus planscamdemic. So I was at a loss as to what to blog about. So I woke up this morning – in part due to the gentle urgings of Shiloh, who has a whole routine worked out now on how to wake me up – determined to schedule a blog for today and the rest of the week. As for her routine, this consists first of scratching herself furiously, then pawing at her blanket in order to move it closer to me, and then, with great drama, plopping herself down so that the effort literally pushes me toward the edge of the bed. If that doesn’t work, then it’s the circle-next-to-him-endlessly, and another plop-and-push. And if that doesn’t work, it’s the old paw-on-the-cheek-with-accompanying-sweet-whine trick.
But I digress. Back to the Fauci-Lieber-Wuhan virus planscamdemic narrative. I received, as I said, so many articles about it, I’ve decided once again to gather up the best of them for this weekend’s “honorable mentions”. I was still at a loss about today’s blog, however, until I opened my email inbox and found this article sent along by E.U., and I read the headline.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” I said aloud. Shiloh was sitting next to my chair, and I told her, “listen to this, Shiloh,” and read the headline to her. Even she gets how crazy it is, and cocked her head and whined. But in a way, you just knew this one was coming. After all, some crazy county – I think it was in Florida – actually announced they were considering mandatory nose feeder bags for people in their own homes, so you just knew this one was coming:
Yes, you read that correctly: you should now wear a mask during sex, to make sure the sex is completely safe sex. Get this:
The university reportedly sent out notices to on-campus students that said they should “consider wearing a face mask during sex. Heavy breathing and panting can further spread the virus, and wearing a mask can reduce the risk,” according to OutKick.
That’s right folks, not only wear a mask, but try to limit the heavy breathing during the activity, a difficult proposition, since masks tend to interfere with normal breathing to begin with. But the real insanity of the article is that the galloping, somersaulting kookery that is modern Amairikuhn edgyjkayshun in the modern Amairikuhn quackademy has now reached out and married itself to the gymnastic idiocy that is the Fauci-Lieber-Wuhan virus narrative. Ahh, but wait, dear reader, there’s more:
“You are your safest sex partner. Practice solo sex, or limit the number of sexual partners you have,” said the University of Georgia recommendations, according to OutKick, which identifies itself on Twitter as “fearless, data-driven sports reporting.”
Yes, that’s right, better just to have sex with yourself.
Ahh, but wait, dear reader, there’s even more:
In June, a study from researchers at Harvard University said that in order to prevent transmitting COVID-19 from one person to another, both people should be wearing a face mask while having sex.
The study also advised against kissing. It suggested partners shower before and after the act, and clean everything with alcohol wipes or soap.
“Data are lacking regarding other routes of sexual transmission,” said the study, published in the Annals of Internal Medicine. “Two small studies of SARS-CoV-2–infected people did not detect virus in semen or vaginal secretions. An additional study of semen samples from 38 patients detected the virus by reverse transcriptase-polymerase chain reaction in 6 patients (15.8%). However, the relevance regarding sexual transmission remains unknown. Until this is better understood, it would be prudent to consider semen potentially infectious.”
Yes, this lunacy is coming straight out of that hellish pit of quackademic lunacy, Harvard, home of Dr. Charles Lieber.
Wear your masks during sex, don’t kiss, and whatever you do, don’t breathe heavily (in fact, better not to breathe at all. We’ll get back to that).
Now, we all know where this is headed. Why, just a few weeks ago I was joking in blogs and interviews about the narrative leading to people wearing masks during sex. Apparently someone at Haaahvaaahd was taking me seriously, and did a study about it (I wonder how much of the missing trillions went to fund that one?!). So let’s press this “logic” a bit more. I seem to recall the whole purpose of wearing nose feederbags was to prevent the spread of “droplets” that could contain THE DREADED BUG, and then were were also informed that THE DREADED BUG’S way into the body could also be through the eyes or other mucus membranes as per the “wash-your-hands-at-all-times-and-don’t-touch-your-face-or-eyes” narrative. So some people are walking around now with feederbags and goggles. But now there’s that all-too-human activity – sex – to be concerned about. So, not only “practice safe sex”, but in order to be really, completely, totally and uncompromisingly safe, both partners should wrap themselves in cellophane or latex body-condoms (without breathing heavily of course), and have sex in cellophane, or better yet, if you have the money, buy a hazmat suit or buy a military grade gas mask. (Oh, but wait, aren’t the pores in cellophane or latex much larger than the size of viruses? It’s all so confusing…) And while we’re at it, we really should be wearing feederbags and goggles when we sleep, especially you married folk who like to sleep in the same bed, and if you do sleep in the same bed together, you might want to rethink that, and buy twin beds and practice Social Sleep Distancing. Hmmm, I just thought of something else, too… best to avoid public restrooms altogether; if you have to go, just go where you are and suffer the indignity of a little embarrassment rather than risk getting THE DREADED BUG. If you do have to use one, best to carry a pair of rubber gloves and toilet bowl cleaner in your “New Normal Backpack” at all times.
And come to think of it, investing in a little mustard gas would be helpful too, for that post-sex clean-up, to make sure your dwelling is really free of THE DREADED BUG, and a propane tank outside, rigged for hand sanitizer, and connected to your shower, would be helpful too. If your local industrial chemical supplier is out of mustard gas, you can make a simple version for yourselves out of chlorine bleach and… oh, I’d better stop now, because some soulless humorless product of the modern quackademy will not appreciate my satire and think “hey! that’s a good idea!”
I’m waiting for the next study from Haaahvaaahd: “Not breathing helps to slow the spread of THE DREADED BUG” and “Social Distancing During Sex Helps Limit the Spread of THE DREADED BUG.”
Yes, folks, it’s now officially totally nuts.
See you on the flip side…