Spiritual Loneliness: What To Do When No One Understands You
For those who are spiritually-minded, it’s not uncommon to feel a little disconnected from other people at times. The experience of loneliness is almost a natural byproduct of spiritual awakening. Though we might be connected to our inner guidance system, we might also feel a little displaced in modern civilization where materialism, consumerism and negativity often reign supreme. If you are going through an awakening process, or if you already have, then you will certainly know what it feels like to be rejected by the herd.
So how do we maintain a feeling of unity with everyone, while also feeling like we are emotionally separated from everyone?
Here are some helpful ways to cope with spiritual loneliness:
1) Reality itself is just a play in consciousness. It’s all a dream.
You are dreaming right now. You aren’t dreaming in the sense that your body is asleep, but you are dreaming in the sense that when you die you will wake up in a new dimension. You will realize that your life and your journey was all one big play that was setup so that you could evolve as a soul. Zooming out and gaining perspective like this really helps with dealing with loneliness, because it allows to remember that our life is a manifestation of our consciousness and a projection of our creativity.
Don’t take things too seriously! Learn from the dream, listen to the dream, and explore the dream. But don’t let the contents of the dream hold you up.
2) Operate from love rather than fear
Don’t let thoughts like “I’m always going to be alone”, or “I’ll never find a good group of friends”, or “I’m never going to have someone I can relate to” dominate your consciousness. The problem of using fear as a motivator in life is that making decisions out of fear actually pushes the things that we want away from us. For example, if we are afraid of being lonely, we actually attract more loneliness into our lives. Will anyone actually be energetically attracted to an energy field of fear and self-pity?
Operate from a space of self-certainty and self-love, and you can’t help but attract that into your life. When you allow fear to be your dominant feeling, you are telling the universe you aren’t ready to step into greatness yet.
3) Go with the flow
Life in modern society can be very frantic. There is no need to rush, and no need to try to win the rat race. Remember, there’s nowhere you need to be, nothing you need to do and no one you need to impress. Sometimes, we cause ourselves anxiety by holding ourselves up to expectations society puts forward for us. You don’t need a group of 10 friends that you get together with each weekend. You don’t need a Twilight relationship. Holding expectations of achieving a cookie-cutter life only breeds stress and confusion. Learning to completely let go and relax will be one of the best things you can do to creating a happy life for yourself.
Follow your intuition and do the things that come naturally to you. Life is about the journey. Work with the universe, follow your heart, and be open to possibilities.
4) Seek others out
Always remember, there are many spiritually-minded people out there. Don’t be discouraged if you haven’t found any yet within your immediate surroundings. Take action towards the lifestyle you want, and meet the universe halfway so that it can create synchronicities for you. Take a yoga class. Take a class at a local metaphysical shop. Hangout at a progressive cafe. Join a spiritual community online. Keep all your doors open.
It’s not uncommon to feel alone or excluded in our society, especially if you have alternative views and beliefs. Don’t feel bad for yourself. Self-pity is useless. Feel proud that you have the courage to be yourself in a world where individuality is suppressed. Feel excited that as long as you are in integrity, you will only have incredible relationships from here on out. You are loved, and there are millions of others who feel the same way you do.
I feel “spiritually lonely” too sometimes. But the important thing to do when you feel lonely is change your perspective, operate from love, be proud of yourself for being true to who you are, and trust that the universe will provide you with the support system you need if you are willing to take a step outside your comfort zone to make those connections happen.
Finally, after over a decade of dealing with multiple undiagnosed physical and emotional symptoms (due to chronic stress, I later realized), I recently experienced a massive shift that is changing EVERYTHING — my health, my emotions, my life.
I was frustrated, exhausted, and suicidal, ready to call it quits many times over the last few years. It was the most painful experience, yet also the most educational, now that I am coming out on the other side of such a dark period. I discovered that a major part of healing, just like illness, is SELF created.
Yes — you create your own pain and suffering and your own joy and healing. Sound crazy? Maybe, but there are a ton of books and research showing that the mind-body connection exists and impacts us immensely. How you feel about yourself plays a huge role in illness and in wellness.
You Play A Role In Your Health
You are a powerful creator, whether you realize it or not. The stories and beliefs that dominate your mind (we will call these mind programs) all day dictate how you feel and create situations and experiences for you to grow and learn.
Many of us are carrying negative self talk programs as a result of our familial, cultural, and societal influences. Our race, culture, gender, genetics, and background (socio-economic status, etc.) all influence us and the way we look at ourselves and life.
As a whole, the world we live in is filled with fear. From a young age, most of us are told “be careful, don’t do that, watch out” and many other negative phrases, repeatedly, which in return builds up a fear-based foundation of belief systems in us.
We learn to be very cautious, afraid, and obedient, so we stay within our box, confined to a limited way of living. We are not able to think beyond the walls that we have been trained exist all around us. This causes us to react with fear, worry, and anxiety when things happen to us or in our world.
Planetary Energy Shifts
Now, as the energy on the planet has shifted to being more open — we are questioning and rebelling against the status quo and the younger generation is continually pushing the envelope on our perceived limits — things are changing and more of us are becoming aware of this negative, fear driven belief system that we have been surrounded by and embedded in.
The plethora of Awakening information available online, although overwhelming at times and sometimes even controversial, has certainly played a major role in shifting things, as has social media, which has made it possible to share information on multiple platforms instantaneously, thus reaching more and more people.
Going back to the fear based belief system many of us carry, it is clear that a strong component of this is Negative Self Talk. It’s amazing to realize that you are not alone in feeling not good enough, fraudulent (even when you are “successful”), unworthy, and unconfident. These emotions create anxiety, fear, and worry, and can eventually lead to depression.
Many of us experience these feelings on a daily basis, and unbeknownst to us, these beliefs form the basis for our physical and emotional health. Of course other lifestyle factors come into play as well, such as what and how often we eat, how active we are, how we deal with our emotions/challenges, and how high our stress levels are. But there is now more and more research showing the importance of the Mind-Body Connection; it is undeniable.
How Do You Feel About You?
I will go out on a limb and say, in my experience, the biggest factor in determining our physical and emotional health is how we feel about ourselves. Yes, you read that right. How you feel about yourself dictates what kind of messages you tell yourself all day.
How would you like to live with someone who is constantly down on themselves and always judging themselves? Not fun is it? But the truth is that many of us are actually quite mean to ourselves, all day long. How crazy is that? Not only that, but we are usually in constant, deep resistance to what is happening around us as well, which further compounds the issue.
Do you see the picture here? Being hard on ourselves all the time plus being at war with ourselves over what’s “out there” in the external world is slowly and insidiously killing us.
Through my own painful and difficult journey, I came to realize that we have to feel it in order to heal it. It seems to be “normal” to resist feeling difficult emotions and feelings; instead we numb them with addictions like overeating, over drinking, drugs, TV, shopping, etc. in order to suppress and deny them. But sooner or later, they catch up with us. We can’t run away forever, but we can create a lot of suffering for ourselves in trying to escape our pain.
Instead, practice the process of ALLOWING whatever is happening and ALLOWING whatever you are feeling. Accepting (the resistance to it is what causes our suffering), embracing, and actually coming to love it, no matter what it is, is the only way to release it.
Accept Who You Are
Learn to accept your dark parts, also known as your shadow, and stop trying to deny or avoid them. What we resist, persists and magnifies, causing us even more drama. We all have dark parts; it is a normal part of being human.
Rather than run away from our fears, resentments, loneliness, pain, anger, sadness, abandonment, shame, guilt, etc., we should lean into those uncomfortable emotions and name them, write them down, and get curious. Start asking yourself questions about why you are feeling them and where they are coming from (most likely a childhood trauma or experience).
Is there an opportunity to reconsider that scene with new eyes and realize that positive things also came out of the perceived trauma/negative? Can we see that we learned and grew from that experience, rather than cling to the lopsided victim story we tend to carry around for years? If we can neutralize our one sided victim story, we balance it, and our emotions can shift and begin to heal. This is life transforming.
Lastly, STOP comparing yourself to anyone else or where you think you should be — this is the fastest way to depression. The reality is, you are where you are and it is exactly where you need to be at this time. Anything outside of that is a Story that your mind program made up.
Shift your perception of the story or memory by balancing it and you transform yourself and the situation. It is not easy to do, as most are so addicted to their victim stories, but if you are open and willing to try it, you will experience a powerful change that will impact all areas of your life.
I was surprised to realize that I was being very angry, judgemental, and mean to myself most of the time, so I really had to practice what I preach and learn to Accept, Embrace, and Love myself. This changed Everything — my physical and emotional health started shifting almost immediately and my energy levels improved significantly.
My long-dormant creativity was ignited, after being buried under multiple layers of stress for decades. I discovered new parts of myself and feel different. I feel a renewed love of Life and at a much deeper level than I have ever experienced before. (I was a very positive, compassionate, loving person who helped people and animals in need but did not like or care for myself much.)
A powerful INNER Transformation has taken place and the results are nothing short of amazing. Try being gentle, kind and loving to yourself consistently and you will experience a whole new perspective and way of BEing.
There are good meditation apps as well as personal development apps available to help you with this process, along with many transformational books and various processes on the market. There are countless workshops, articles, and coaches to assist you with this powerful, life-changing process of learning Self Compassion.
The only person who knows what is best for you is You — so make some quiet time to meditate, go to nature, and do some research — and then INVEST in yourself. You are more than worth it.
Do I still experience challenges? Of course – challenges are a part of life and play in important role in our growth. Think about it – without obstacles, we wouldn’t have learned to deal with adversity, face our fears and realize our own strength. Challenges are not a bad thing, they force us to step up and take action, as does fear.
What is it costing you to keep feeling the way you do? Suffering and in pain, physically and emotionally? If you are ready and willing to do the work (because it IS work!) and you realize it’s time for Change — start taking small steps towards Self Connection and Self Transformation. Watch your world change.
Forgiveness can be a really sticky issue. Everyone knows it is “blessed” to forgive, yet most of us secretly—or not-so-secretly— harbor grudges, carry resentments, relive betrayals, and plot revenge, if only in our fantasies. After all, we “earned” those stripes through our own pain and anguish. If we let all that go, we lose part of ourselves, don’t we?? If we let it go, it means it doesn’t matter that we were hurt, doesn’t it?? Often people resist forgiving because they believe that in doing so they are condoning the bad behavior, invalidating their own experience and pain, pretending it never happened, and letting the person off “scot free.” That is simply not the case.
Forgiveness means acknowledging and accepting that something very painful happened or, yes, was done to you… and then letting it go and leaving it in the past where it belongs, so you can heal and move on in your own life. The other person probably moved on a long time ago!
And remember, it is totally up to you what, if any, future relationship you have with that person, and that will likely depend on whether he/she apologized, expressed true remorse, made amends, and worked to earn your trust again. Remember the adage: “Hurt me once, shame on YOU. Hurt me twice, shame on ME.” It’s true! “Turning the other cheek” may mean turning and walking away! We definitely don’t have to go back for a “second dose,” and it behooves us to learn from our experiences. We can only learn who people really are by observing, and sometimes experiencing, their actions. Every action is information about who a person is and whether we want him/her in our lives. And, as Maya Angelou said, “When a person shows you who they are, believe them!”
Holding on to past grievances is like permanently holding ourselves in the moment of the pain so we can relive it over and over again.When we are still stuck emotionally in a painful event, we are stuck firmly in the past, not moving forward with our lives, and we are giving our lives over to that single event. It becomes a defining moment for us. Many people actually define their entire existence in terms of what someone else did to them years, or even decades ago! Is it possible they want their entire life to become a shrine to one painful event? Why? What is the emotional payoff for that?
Think of it this way: Someone walks up and hits you in the head with a baseball bat and walks away. Instead of going home to get first aid and heal your wound, you pick up the baseball bat and, over the next few years, periodically pick up the bat and hit yourself in the head again. By the end of five years, you’ve hit yourself in the head a few thousand times, with your built-up anger and resentment adding force to each blow. The person who originally hit you with the bat only did it once. So, at the end of the five years, who caused you the most pain and the most harm? That person or you?
Emotional pain, anger, resentment, and bitterness build up in our systems if we don’t vent them and let them go. Emotions are intended to be Energy in Motion, and emotional energies can cause all kinds of problems if they don’t move out of our systems. They are like toxic fumes that continually swirl around us. They make us sick and, worse, attract more toxic fumes… that will attract more painful events… that will emit more toxic fumes…
We create a continuing loop, and each time we relive the event in our minds, the neural networks that were created become deeper and stronger, so it is easier to “fall back” into that thought and feeling. It poisons our minds, our hearts, our bodies, and our lives, and often the lives of those around us. Before long, we view everything through that filter and our vision, our thoughts, and our emotional processes are so poisoned that the only thing we can see, think, or feel is pain, anger, resentment, and bitterness. We begin to believe that Life is defined by that, and we no longer allow anything else in, because our outer reality always proves that our beliefs are true!
It also traps us in victim mode. By holding on to past grievances and marinating ourselves in those toxic emotions, we give every ounce of our power away to the other person.We give up responsibility for ourselves and our emotional state of being, we wallow in our self-pity, and we give others power over our lives.
The truth is, no one can truly hurt us unless we let them.(OUCH!) Knowingly or unknowingly, we contribute to our own pain. We may not have control over what others do but, contrary to popular belief, we DO have control over how we respond. We can cling to the pain and relive it, or we can heal and walk away. In fact, it is never the experiences that create our lives and who we are, it is how we respond to them. Do we learn and grow and rise above, or do we fall and wallow and give up? It really is our choice.
As is so often the case, we can learn so much from the children. Kids know how to “shake it off,” unless the adults teach them to cling to their pain. A happy child falls, skins a knee, has mom “fix it,” and then runs out to play again. Kids accept that pain is just something that happens in life. They know all too well that sometimes people are mean and do things that hurt them, and they don’t let it stop them. We could use a lot more of that!
We owe it to ourselves to forgive. It is all for US, not for them. Forgiveness is truly a “selfish act,” and it really does set us free.
So how do we do that? When someone betrays us; abuses us; takes advantage of us; causes physical, mental, or emotional harm, how do we work our way to the point where we can forgive them and let it go? How do we, as Jiminy Cricket used to say, “Pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again”?
It isn’t always easy, and we generally have to go one step at a time, but it may be the most important part of our healing process. If we can reframe our understanding of the event, we can often change our perspective enough to forgive and make lemonade from those lemons. Here are some ways to reframe:
Recognize that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have at the time. This includes ALL resources, such as emotional understanding and capacity, self-esteem, knowledge, wisdom, experience, energy, ability to empathize with others, and level of overwhelm. Most people are running on empty, especially in the last few years: they are stretched so thin, they don’t have enough time, energy, money, strength, or mental or emotional capacity to cope. People are running on auto-pilot, and when a complex situation presents itself that requires discernment, integrity, generosity, kindness, and love, often they only have the ability to react out of fear. They cannot think about the impact of their actions on other people, because they are struggling just to manage a situation and get through it.
Even when people do try to consider others, they still don’t really know the full impact of their actions; none of us can ever really know, because a person’s reaction to what we do is based not only on what we do, but also on their entire emotional history.
What other people do to us is not really about US. How we react to what other people do to us is not really about THEM.
What people do comes from their state of mind, emotional state, and emotional baggage. How we react to anything that happens to us comes from our state of mind, emotional state, and emotional baggage.
This is an important distinction: our reactions and sensitivities to what others do is our own, based on everything that has ever happened to us and how we have reacted. People can push our buttons without even knowing we have those buttons, and we can push theirs. Heck, I can push people’s buttons just by walking into a room!! What is perfectly fine for one person can be highly offensive, threatening, or pain-invoking for someone else. And we have absolutely no way of knowing that until we find out the hard way, when they react in a totally unexpected way. It’s the same for others and our reactions. The key for all of us is to identify the buttons we have and heal the underlying pain, so there is no longer a button to push!
Forgive them, for they know not what they do. To me, this request, attributed to Jesus on the cross, is one of the most important, and most difficult, lessons in the Bible. When we can recognize that every action, by anyone, is either an act of love or a cry for love,and respond accordingly, we have truly released our attachment to control and pain and moved into love and compassion. When we can learn to be in that space of love and forgiveness, we have taken a giant step in our own healing and evolution.
Even when someone does something intentionally to be mean, inflicting damage or pain on purpose, they still do not know what they are doing or why. They are still only acting from the depths of their own fear, pain, and insecurity, doing the best they can. If bullies were not so terrified and self-loathing, themselves, they would not feel the need to inflict pain on others. Because of the abuse they have endured in their own lives, they can only feel powerful or good about themselves when they are putting others down or abusing them. They are getting through life the only way they know how, by treating others as they have been treated. Instead of healing their own pain, they inflict pain on others. Sadly, it appears that our culture has created a society of bullies. “The sins of the father,” passed down from generation to generation, are the dysfunctional, self-loathing ways of being in the world, based on the accumulated unhealed wounds and pain.
People who feel good about themselves, who are self-aware, and who have worked on their own healing, generally have no need to intentionally cause pain or create conflict; and if they do so by mistake, they usually can recognize it quickly and rectify it or make amends. People who indulge in desperate acts feel desperate inside. People who inflict pain are filled with pain, themselves. People who act badly simply are unable, in that moment, to act any better, for whatever reason. They cannot be focused on you and your pain, because they can only focus on their own. Forgive them, for they know not what they do.
Recognizing how we often participate in causing ourselves pain is a humbling experience, and an important step toward forgiveness of ourselves and others, as well as toward our own self-awareness.
We must understand that no one can hurt us emotionally unless we “let” them. Nothing anyone else does is deeply painful unless there is something inside us that resonates with it. That unhealed emotional pain inside us—or our attachment to control of external events and others—sets up a resonance and attracts more pain into our lives. It’s those “buttons” again, that keep getting pushed. Used consciously, an emotional response can alert us to our deep, unhealed pain so we can heal it and eliminate the buttons. Unfortunately, we usually just cling more to each painful incident, thus increasing the resonance in an escalating cycle.
When we blame others for how we feel, regardless of what they have done; when we give others the power to hurt us and “ruin” our lives, we keep ourselves trapped in that resonance-pain-resonance-pain feedback loop. And if we feel, deep inside, that we deserve pain—or if we have been betraying ourselves by allowing abuse—then pain and betrayal will become the pattern of our lives until we break the cycle. And it is up to us, not someone else, to do the work to heal and break the cycle. If we allow ourselves to be doormats, we cannot really hold it against someone who wipes his feet on us, because we invited the action, consciously or unconsciously.
As Doctor Phil says, it’s up to us to teach people how to treat us, and we do that every day in every interaction, consciously or unconsciously. We do it by what we allow and what we don’t allow. Our relationships show us what we are teaching people about how we believe we deserve to be treated—and sometimes, that’s not pretty! We often stay in abusive situations, hoping the other person will change, because we are too afraid to empower ourselves to leave and create our own change. Or, deep down, we believe that we deserve it. (We don’t—EVER! And sometimes that’s our biggest lesson!)
We can also sometimes unconsciously “invite” or set ourselves up for disappointment and pain by harboring unrealistic expectations of others and/or by not clearly conveying our expectations to others. That is a trap, and no one wins. Often, we feel that others should somehow “know” what we need, want, or expect (possibly because we are afraid to express our needs clearly, or don’t believe we deserve to have them met). When others do not fulfill those needs or expectations, we take it personally, feel hurt, and hold it against them. But our needs are our responsibility.
We also may expect others to act in the same ways that we would in a given situation; we expect someone to act fairly because we would, or we expect someone to consider our needs and feelings because we would do that for them. We expect others to share our values and integrity and, perhaps to even act in our interests instead of their own. But again, these are unrealistic expectations, and unrealistic expectations only set us
According to a vast array of magical and alchemical texts, hermetic treatises, philosophic works, religious scriptures, and many prominent pieces of literature spanning the ages, it appears that the sole purpose of life is to awaken from our self-imposed slumber. That is, to remember who we really are or to become that which we have always been. This natural proclivity percolating within man to consciously collaborate with an innately irrational unconscious life process is what gives an individual meaning, purpose, and value.
We see this current of thought unequivocally expressed in Ralph Waldo Emerson’s first book entitled Nature. While striking a delicate accord between the terms Nature and nature, the work essentially presupposes that the entirely of life has but one aim: to return to the Source.
At bottom, this process of spiritual awakening is ultimately an initiation into the enduring harmony of the world or, if you like, a realignment of our will with the embodied Will of the Universe. It is about ascending that mystical ladder that punctuates the heavens and leads right up to the doorstep of God. It is about the firing of rudimentary clay so as to produce that finished effervescent glaze. In essence, it is about the changing of frequency as the blossoming of our blood allows us to tune back into that ancient theme of the Music of the Spheres. As Cicero wrote in his work The Dream of Scipio:
“Learned men, by imitating this harmony on stringed instruments and in song, have gained for themselves a return to the supernal heights….”
Given all of this, the question naturally arises as to how we know we are marching to the right tune. As we pursue the text of Life, of which we are all on different chapters, there are many indicators of progressthat help one measure the extent to which he/she is successfully moving away from an object-oriented ego-dominated consciousness.
While not everyone experiences the exact same signals, there do seem to be some parallels that persistently appear in the life of the would-be adept. For example, initially you will find yourself engulfed by a series of jaw-dropping “coincidences” (synchronicities). The inner will spill over into the outer as your enthusiasm scintillates like a savory steak, boils to a crescendo, and finally takes off like a 747. This formidable energetic essence of emotion appears to be the elixir that underlies this aboriginal dreamlike state of mind. As Albertus Magnus wrote in his piece De mirabilibus mundi:
“I discovered an instructive account (of Magick) in Avicenna’s Liber Sextus Naturalium, which says that a certain power to alter things indwells in the human soul and subordinates the other things to her, particularly when she is swept into a great excess of love or hate or the like.When therefore the soul of man falls into a great excess of any passion, it can be proved by experiment that it (the excess) binds things and alters them in the way it wants.”
As these synchronicities abound you will feel like you’re dreaming while in a state of waking consciousness. It’s like being the choreographer of your own inner theatre production. For myself, this was the tipping point where I was forced to reconfigure my cognitive schema relative to how the world is structured and functions. I was forced to see it as it really was – a sort of fiction, mirage, cognitive construction, or illusory transcendental projection of thought itself. Now, while it is true that everyone experiences certain synchronistic phenomena such as the aforementioned, those who are advancing on a shamanic path will notice the regularity and frequency of these occurrences increasing. It may even get to the point where it becomes psychologically worrisome. But obviously fear not for this is all part and parcel of the Way.
The next thing you will start to notice on this journey is the mysterious manifestation of a multitude of omens. Omens are the Spirit’s way of communicating to man through the medium of Nature. They appear to increase in the life of the more spiritual types but this is only an illusion. As Carlos Castaneda wrote in The Power of Silence:
“I am going to tell you a story about the nagual Elias and the manifestation of the spirit. The spirit manifests itself to a sorcerer, especially to a nagual, at every turn. However, this is not the entire truth. The entire truth is that the spirit reveals itself to everyone with the same intensity and consistency, but only sorcerers, and naguals in particular, are attuned to such revelations.”
An additional sign of success will be an increased urge to express yourself creatively. At times, and seemingly out of nowhere, an omnivorous voracious impulse will come stampeding through. It completely engulfs even the most left-brain types and almost seems to demand that it be represented in some sort of concrete form be it a painting, sculpture, drawing, or what have you. I say almost because this is not an elemental struggling to survive but rather something that emanates from an innermost need, something that feels akin to duty. Amazingly, in the process of it all, you will feel like your hand is being guided by an invisible force, like you’re an instrument or conduit for the One and All. And when the work is finally complete you will stand back and say, “That was not done by my hand and yet it was.” And this is yet another sign: that of not taking credit.
As you continue to advance something truly astonishing may pop into your life. This being Numbers. Initially, you may even find the number eleven appearing at a frequency beyond that which can reasonably be explained away as statistical anomaly. For instance, there will be many consecutive days, sometimes lasting years, where you will see only the number eleven when you unconsciously look to discover the time. This would be the equivalent of all random variables or data sets falling consistently within the tail range of the normal distribution curve. And no, this is not due to some incessant infatuation with the number eleven or because it holds some kind of deep sentimental value or sacred meaning for you. These experiences often tend to occur before the number gains any symbolic prominence in your mind. What’s important to understand is that these experiences are typically normal and not necessarily a sign of neurosis.
In the end, the Numbers that are mysteriously being issued by Nature represent symbolic attempts to facilitate the process of Individuation; to bridge that gulf within the mind of man that has reached epic proportions.For Numbers, just like the sun, moon, stars, or anything else in Nature, are ultimately symbols.More specifically, they are archetypes of order.As Dr. Carl Jung wrote in his work Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle:
“Hence it is not such an audacious conclusion after all if we define number psychologically as an archetype of order which has become conscious. Remarkably enough, the psychic images of wholeness which are spontaneously produced by the unconscious, the symbols of the self in mandala form, also have a mathematical structure. They are as a rule quaternities. These structures not only possess order, they also create it. This is why they generally appear in times of psychic disorientation in order to compensate a chaotic state or as formulations of numinous experiences. It must be emphasized yet again that they are not inventions of the conscious mind but are spontaneous products of the unconscious, as has been sufficiently shown by experience. Naturally the conscious mind can imitate these patterns of order, but such imitations do not prove that the originals are conscious inventions. From this it follows irrefutably that the unconscious uses number as an ordering factor.”
Another idiosyncratic element that you can expect to confront when traversing this path will be suffering. Just as pain accompanies our entrance into this world, so too does pain accompany the process of mystical regeneration. As part of this suffering you may experience the haughtiness of the vain, the ridicule of the close-minded, the mockery of the egotistical, and the general indifference of the masses. Many may perceive you as some sort of anomaly or worse. They will stare like motorists when they slow down to gawk at some mangled mess on the side of the road. They will think “Does he even realize he’s going nowhere?” Like a hamster in a wheel you may be perceived as moving while remaining still. But not all those who wander are lost.
“They who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music.”—The Times (London) 1927
Other aspects of this tumultuous terrain include the manifestation of various psychic aberrations that serve to complicate and undermine the Work. In alchemy, these disturbances are generally brushed aside as technical difficulties. However, in the Greek and Latin alchemical texts the psychic nature of these dangers is elaborated upon at length and is described as part demonic and part psychic disturbance i.e. melancholia. With regard to the latter, this represents the confrontation with the shadow or the nigredo phase of the Work. This peculiar psychic state will descend upon you suddenly and without warning. It will be experienced as an extreme boredom unlike anything you have ever experienced. You will literally be left with zero interest in anything. And then, just as suddenly as it arrived, it will depart (for me this lasted exactly 30 days). As to the dangers in general, we get this from the alchemist Aegidius de Vadis who wrote the following in his work Dialogus inter naturam et filium philosophorum (1659):
“I shall keep silent about this science, which has led most of those who work in it into confusion, because there are few indeed who find what they seek, but an infinite number who have plunged to their ruin.”
Ultimately, all of this gloom and doom can be viewed as the training necessary to defeat the Guardian of the Gate. As the old consciousness dissolves a new one is rising to take its place. For one must die to be reborn. And one of the main facets of this figurative death is a separation from one’s mother tongue. The night sea journey of Odysseus is a necessary prerequisite for the return journey home. For was not Christ transfigured in a cave? Did not the Buddha disappear into the desert? So too will we have to traverse the deepest thicket of our own unconscious wilderness if we wish to turn lead into gold. For we are like mushrooms- we grow in the dark. In the words of the primitive Eskimo shaman Igjugarju:
“The only true wisdom lives far from mankind, out in the great loneliness, and it can be reached only through suffering. Privation and suffering alone can open the mind of a man to all that is hidden to others.”—H. Ostermann, The Alaskan Eskimos
As you navigate your way through these stormy seas know that you are on the right path, trust in yourself, and let that Power within radiate outwards in every conceivable direction. Be a mirror of what no one sees but all can sense. Communicate without speaking by allowing your electro-magnetism flood the consciousness of those around you. Act as that catalyst that kick starts the entire cascade of neurological impulses which adds vigor to the soul. For that interminable ocean – the inexhaustible fire that galvanizes, adds an extra spring to your step, and is the source of the second wind – is boiling within.
Asthis rich abundant Infinite Force continues to work itself through you it will eventually effectuate a change in lifestyle. Goals will become more macro as opposed to micro as you begin to exhibit more compassion towards others. And as you learn to love others your capacity for accepting and loving yourself will grow exponentially. With this new found respect, an increased awareness in the importance of physical health will take root. Eventually, a win-win attitude will be adopted and an unusual elation will fill you to the brim. This uncanny cheer will inevitably overflow with the physiological result being a feeling akin to walking on air. Like a balloon there will be times when you feel like your literally going to float away. Precisely then will your shamanic sight, your power of imagination, will be most keen. A broadening of the perceptional horizon will allow you to see the darkness inside others. Through all of this you will feel and look like you’re getting younger even as you grow older.
More and more you will be helped by God as you continue to earn your keep on this path, whether it through devotion, the application of philosophic will, or otherwise. Material progress will also be a critical component in facilitating your spiritual ascent. For if one recalls it was only after a series of worldly victories that the Vision of the Grail presented itself to Parzival. Only when his temporal goal was fulfilled as represented by King Arthur’s court did the call come to go deeper, beyond the bounds of space, time, and causality to a more transpersonal realm. In short, the pathless path that leads to the Garden of the Philosophers opened up after the knight had earned his keep and was ready. As Louis Pasteur once quipped:
“Chance favors the prepared mind.”
Eventually, events will begin to occur that will be so startling, so earth-shattering that they would cause even the most ardent non-believer to buckle at the knees. The Mysteries will begin to unfold in your daily life as circumstances, people, experiences, opportunities, etc., are brought in to act as initiatory gods. The Spirit will come out to meet you everywhere you go. As is said in the Corpus Hemeticum (Hermes-Thot),
“Everywhere God will come to meet you, everywhere he will appear to you, at places and times at which you look not for it, in your waking hours and in your sleep, when you are journeying by water and by land, in the nighttime and in the daytime, when you are speaking and when you are silent; for there is nothing which is not God.”
All in all, what’s really transpiring here is the conscious actualization of formerly latent unconscious aspects of our Self. As we continue to advance to higher and higher grades there will be other surprises to be sure – the remembering of past lives and the manifestation of miracles to name just a few. Increasingly, Nature will act as the mirror of an exciting invigorating inner adventure. Life then becomes the Lodge; Life becomes the Initiator. And this is precisely when it will become crystal clear to you that there is no need to seek out a master and that true learning starts when the books stop. For you will have arrived at the realization through experience that the highest Authority is to be found within.
In the end, the grand consummation will take hold and the Vision of the Grail will present itself. At High Noon the fabric of nature will be translucent as the world morphs into a web of effervescent light. Alive to an infinite degree, full of flavor and zeal, boisterous and bubbly, it sizzles until the soul bursts into flames. We then become everything because we resist nothing. Circumambulating back to that Center, where all opposites fluttering within the wheel of space-time coalesce into One, our senses become spiritualized, our instincts integrated, the body transfigured, the world transformed. For we have returned to those eternal heights to hear the Music of the Spheres, behold Beatrice, perceive Paradise, experience the sunrise, and feel the undulations of Infinity. This mesmeric, beatific, magnificent state is our right, our heritage, our destiny. It is the beginning and the end; our past and future. And it is ours to behold right Here and Now.
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but so few think of changing themselves first.
How disappointed would you be to get to the end of your life and discover that you were made to be great while all you did was wait around?
It’s time to get present, challenge yourself, and change things for the better!
Will you be able to change everything? No. In fact there may be lots of things you want to change that can’t be changed. But YOU can still change!
Even when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself. And that makes all the difference in the world.
With this simple truth in mind, here are my challenges to you for the upcoming month – a positive to-do list for 30 days of personal greatness:
1. When a new day begins, challenge yourself to smile genuinely and gratefully.
2. When you don’t get what you want, challenge yourself to appreciate that there are lots of people in this world who will never have what you have right now.
3. When holding on no longer seems reasonable, challenge yourself to appreciate the fact that nothing in life is permanent, and to realize that once you embrace this you can do almost anything you wish because you’re not trying to hold onto anything anymore.
4. When you catch yourself thinking the grass is greener elsewhere, challenge yourself to water the grass you’re standing on.
5. When you absolutely can’t control what’s happening to you, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening – in your response is your power.
6. When it seems like problems are stacking up, challenge yourself to face these problems positively.
7. When there seems to be little hope, challenge yourself to find some.
8. When the road ahead seems too rough, challenge yourself to acknowledge that there’s absolutely nothing about your present circumstances that prevents you from making progress, one small step at a time.
9. When you catch yourself overthinking things, challenge yourself to take a step forward instead.
11. When you have two good choices, challenge yourself to go with the one that scares you the most, because that’s the one that is going to help you grow.
12. When you are going to do something – anything at all – challenge yourself to do it with enthusiasm and devotion.
13. When others say your ideas are crazy, challenge yourself to do what feels right anyway, to not care if your goals seem crazy to others, and to remember that the crazy ideas are the ones that often have the greatest impact.
14. When there are lots of excuses for why you can’t get it done, challenge yourself to focus on all the reasons why you must make it happen.
15. When you find yourself wishing for instant gratification, challenge yourself to admit that if you could have it all instantly, it would not be worth having – for the real value of accomplishment is in the accomplishing.
16. When mistakes are made, challenge yourself to learn from them, laugh about them, and waste not a minute on past outcomes you can’t control.
17. When you find yourself trying to control too much, and thus enjoying too little, challenge yourself to let go, relax, take a deep breath and appreciate “what is” for a while.
18. When there is needless drama and negativity surrounding you, challenge yourself to look the other way.
19. When your own negativity tries to break through, challenge yourself to recall that you are in control of the way you look at life, and then use your struggles and frustrations to motivate yourself rather than annoy yourself.
20. When you find yourself running in place attempting to fix and fight the old, challenge yourself to build and grow something new instead.
21. When doing the wrong things is easier, challenge yourself to do the right thing, even if no one else will ever know – because YOU will know.
22. When you catch yourself praying for an easy life, challenge yourself to pray for the strength to endure a difficult one that’s worth living.
23. When everything seems jumbled and rushed, challenge yourself to take a step back so you can see things clearly again.
24. When you meet someone new, challenge yourself to be patient with them, to pay attention to them, and to remember that everyone you meet has something important to teach you.
26. When someone treats you poorly, challenge yourself to treat them with kindness and respect anyway – not because they are nice, but because you are (and then walk the other way if you must).
27. When a negative situation gets emotional, take a deep breath, and challenge yourself to remember that inner peace begins the moment you decide not to let another person or event control your emotions.
28. When someone you meet is lost, challenge yourself to help them find their way.
29. When a friend falls down, challenge yourself to be the first to extend a hand.
30. When each day has ended, challenge yourself to appreciate that you have done your very best.
If I could give you just one piece of advice, it would be, “Trust Yourself.” Stop looking outside for the answers. Stop looking to others to tell you how to live your life – or to hand you temporary solutions to problems that only came about because you did not trust yourself in the first place!
Trusting yourself should be the most natural thing to do, but it’s not. Our world is structured, in such a way, that everything tells us, “Whatever you do, don’t trust yourself.”
If you cannot trust yourself, you are powerless to make good choices, which often leads to making choices based on pressure or opinions of others. Even if they are well-intentioned, no one ever knows what is best for you, but you. If you spend a lifetime dis-trusting yourself and seeking external guidance, eventually you end up with a life that doesn’t suit you or make you happy. If you do not trust yourself, you are also likely to repress self-expression, ultimately leading to chronic complacency or even depression.
As a crisis outreach counselor for seven years and a spiritual life coach for almost twenty, I have noticed patterns, and the one pattern that shows up every single time is that depressed, confused and overwhelmed people do not trust themselves, and, in fact, are often immobilized out of fear of making the wrong choice.
But, it is not just people in crisis, it is virtually everyone! In fact, many of the issues that we face today are a result of not trusting ourselves and could be easily resolved by the Power of Self-trust.
Self-trust Has Been Brainwashed Out of Us. But Why?
Most of the world’s child raising standards revolve around teaching children to obey authority – including institutions of religion, education, medical, government and even media. Children are punished for questioning authority and thinking for themselves, while being rewarded for memorization and following the rules. This precise “formula” teaches children not to trust themselves. If you cannot think for yourself and you look to authority figures for answers, how can you ever trust yourself?
Children who don’t trust themselves grow up to be adults who also blindly depend on external sources for information, guidance, rules, laws and regulations – most of these external sources have their own hidden agendas which do not support the individual.
We have given our power away because we do not know how to look within for the answers.
Misdirected Trust in Outside Sources?
Maybe humanity is in crisis, not because we have been mindlessly trusting institutions that have their own best interests at heart, but rather because we are nottrusting ourselves! If we really trusted ourselves and we looked within for the answers, we would not give our power to any of these outside sources because we would be able to decipher the truth from the lies.
Trusting yourself activates an inner energetic switch that puts you in the driver’s seat, and allows you to be the conscious creator of your life.
I spent much of my life looking to others for the answers and not trusting myself, and as a result I racked up countless bad decisions, including failed marriages, great financial loss, and tons of issues that could have been easily avoided. But somehow, through it all, there was this inner-knowing that I had to find a way to trust myself despite what the world was telling me.
Knowing that this was the key, and despite evidence to the contrary, I made the conscious choice to trust myself above and beyond all else, and as I began to believe in myself, my choices improved and my life improved, and the more I believed in myself, the more I could trust myself. As I stepped fully into my power, clarity became the norm, and all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. By believing in myself and trusting myself, even if I still made mistakes from time to time, I was granted access to a body of knowledge that continues to transform my life, and allows me to help others do the same.
There is an incredible power inside of you that can only be accessed through the power of self-trust.
You may not have anyone in your life saying, “Trust yourself,” but I am saying it to you now. This is the key that will allow you access to the control panel of your life. If you do not trust yourself, you are denied access. The mere act of trusting yourself activates your consciousness in such a way that your life becomes super-charged.
Yes, it might require a leap of faith. Like me, you might have a long list of reasons why you should never trust yourself – do it anyway, and keep doing it until you have a long list of reasons why you can trust yourself. The only way that you can ever trust yourself, is by trusting yourself.
What Does it Mean to Trust Yourself?
Your body and mind are priceless technology that will guide you every step of the way on your journey through life. Your body gives you energetic and emotional signals to show you which way to turn and even what to do. Your mind gives you inspiration, visions and ideas to pursue that are intended to guide you in the direction of your highest good. In order to trust yourself you must be in touch with this inner guidance system.
Your Inner Guidance System Holds the Answers
Your inner guidance system is a network of physical, intuitive and emotional information that speaks directly to you – through all your senses. Your senses feed you information so that you can make good conscious choices. You already trust your inner guidance system in many ways. For example, if you eat something that tastes rotten, you stop eating it. If you smell smoke, you check for fire. If you hear a cry, you look to see if someone needs help. If you touch a hot stove, you let go immediately.
Most of us unconditionally trust these everyday aspects of inner guidance, but higher levels of inner guidance are where we usually stop trusting ourselves. We don’t trust our sixth sense which is intuition nor do we trust our emotional senses. If you desire to take back your power, and reclaim your freedom to make conscious choices, these two elements of inner guidance are most essential.
When you understand how your inner guidance speaks through your emotional senses and your sixth sense, information can be as clear as knowing when to take your hand off a hot stove.
Emotional Guidance Technology
An integral aspect of your inner guidance system is the technology of emotions. Your emotions were given to you to experience life but emotions are also a system of inner guidance.
If you want to trust yourself, you must get in touch with your emotions, and you must feel. If you push down your emotions, you cut off your natural guidance, and as a result you cannot trust yourself.
If you have unhealed emotional issues, those issues can be easily triggered by everyday life – better known as emotional reactions. Emotional reactions are designed to protect you and keep you on guard, but emotional reactions are not good intuitive guides because they are tied to events and traumas in the past. Therefore, releasing pent-up and unhealed emotions is essential.
A high quality emotional guidance system is anchored firmly in the now, pulsating clear emotions that provide guidance that can direct your actions, aligning you with your purpose, path and passion.
Your Body Speaks
If you want to hear your inner guidance, you must get in your body where that guidance is available.
Our bodies always tell us when we are in the wrong job or an unhealthy relationship. Every bodily issue is a communication from your body – attempting to tell you something. When you don’t pay attention over a long period of time, small challenges in the body often turn into disease.
In order to get in your body, you must stop criticizing your body or judging your body in any way. You must love your body and listen to your body. The more you care for your body, the healthier your body will become and the more information and guidance it will provide.
You already know what to do to care for your body so I’m not going to tell you. If you are unsure, ask your body – this is the point.
The entire body is important but if you just started focusing on two areas, for most people it would be the heart and the gut.
Don’t Be Afraid to “Make Mistakes”
We often don’t trust ourselves because we are afraid of making mistakes, but it is a catch twenty-two because as long as you are afraid of making mistakes, you will not be able to trust yourself. And, in fact, the fear of making mistakes causes us to make more mistakes because we are not trusting ourselves – it is a vicious cycle, but one that you can overcome.
The point is to even trust your mistakes because you never know where a mistake might take you. There is higher guidance and a higher plan in everything we do, including the mistakes we make.
Let Go of What “The World Will Say”
It is impossible to trust yourself, if you are worried about “what the world will say,” be that family, friends or society.
How can you trust what you are perceiving, when you are filtering your perceptions through the minds of others? As long as you care more about the opinions of others than your own opinions, your inner guidance will go unnoticed by you.
If you alter your behavior in order to please others, or you want to be seen positively in their eyes, you have cut yourself off from your intrinsic wisdom and personalized guidance that comes from deep within.
In order to trust yourself, you must let go of the need to please others.
You must drop comparison and stop comparing yourself to anyone at any time. Comparison keeps you trapped in the limitations of the collective. As long as you compare yourself to anyone, you cannot be in full control of your life. This includes competing with others for success and also pointing out that you are not the only one experiencing something. Every time you say, “other people do it, so I am not the only one, or others have it worse,” you are giving yourself an excuse not to listen to your inner guidance – and to stay stuck.
Chronic worrying keeps you from accessing inner knowledge and trusting that knowledge, therefore, you must calm your mind and body of worry. Instead of focusing on what you do not want, focus your attention on what you do want. The opposite of worry is conscious creation.
Stop Getting Ahead of Yourself
If you are constantly busy and running from one activity to another, you are likely moving faster than the speed of life. How can you trust yourself if you are moving too fast and getting ahead of yourself? Slow down! Be here now. Pay attention to what you are doing, and feeling.
By the way, stress is an indicator that you are not listening to your inner guidance.
We are always told to be present, but “be present” to what exactly? There are uncountable things to be present to at any given moment. Instead of trying to be present, be conscious. Be conscious of your thoughts, emotions, and body sensations. The more conscious you are, the more you can access inner guidance.
Listen to Your Physical Energy
Your natural physical energy will always be an incredible guide. When we are going in a positive direction for ourselves, we always have an abundance of energy, even if something is challenging. If, however, we are going in the wrong direction, we often lack energy.
Follow Your Emotional Energy
Happiness is positive emotional energy – if you follow your joy, you will be following your inner guidance. Dread, stress and overwhelm are emotions that tell you that you are going the wrong way. Follow your joy and you will always be guided.
Quiet Your Mind
If you are trying to figure out solutions, the answers will not come to a mind that is not open or available to receiving information or inspiration. Answers come through a quiet mind. You cannot expect to access inner guidance when your mind is going a mile a minute or your mental energy is split.
Stop Depending on Spiritual Arts
There is nothing wrong with numerology, astrology or psychics, as long as you don’t give anyone or anything more power than you give yourself. We are talking about trusting yourself and your own guidance more than anything or anyone, including angels, guides and masters.
Teach Your Children
If you are a parent, teacher or care-giver, teach your children how to trust themselves.
What If I Am Just Making It Up?
Maybe you ask, “How do I know that I am receiving inner guidance and I am not making it up?” There is a very thin line between intuition and conscious creation. It is no accident that the third eye of intuition is also called the eye of imagination.
When we receive an intuitive hit or vision, we are seeing one possible outcome or path. Your intuition is not telling you that this is the only path, or this is what you should do. Your intuition is simply showing you one possibility, based on your current trajectory, which is likely determined by your beliefs.
Nothing is set in stone until you believe it is. This is where your power lies. Not to decipher if something is true or not, but rather to determine if what you intuitively perceive supports you or not. If it does support you, then consciously give power to it, by choosing to believe it, but, if it doesn’t, let it go.
The question is not, “Is my inner guidance correct?”
The question is, “Does this path support me and does it feel good?”
So, yes, make it up – make it all up. This is how you consciously create your life through the power of imagination and the belief that you apply to your imagination. This is the pinnacle of trusting yourself.
You may not realize it right now, but everything is Make Believe – this means that your beliefs make up your reality, so why not consciously “make believe” a reality that is full of joy, peace, fun and abundance.
Trust the Process
We humans are very quick to jump to conclusions. As soon as something seems to be going astray we stop trusting the process. The thing is, life is tricky – often it seems like circumstances are taking us away from our destination when actually life is creating a more direct route. I know that it is difficult to trust the process when the process seems to be taking you in the “wrong direction,” but trust it anyway. If you release control, just a little bit, you might discover that just because things seem to be bat-crazy doesn’t mean they really are.
Here’s the Catch…
As much as you trust yourself, you must also trust the Universe. There is an All Knowing Power that is at work in all moments and at all times. This grand and infinite power runs the whole show – it orchestrates the rising of the sun, the birth of the stars, and even the perfect rhythm of your body – pumping your blood and controlling all the trillions of cells to do what they are supposed to do. If you only trust yourself without trusting the Universe, you miss the point, and if you only trust the Universe without trusting yourself, you cut off your power as conscious creator of your life.
In order to be a successful adventurer through the dimensions of creation, you must learn to really trust yourself and listen to your inner guidance, and you must also trust this Infinite Power to take you wherever you want to go.
In this beautiful co-creative dance with the Universe anything and everything is possible… Dream Big!
Too often in life I find myself apologizing for situations or things that, quite frankly, are out of my control. Why? Because I feel like I have to be at fault for something going wrong because I’m technically the one in charge of my own life.
However, as I go through the growing pains of becoming a “real adult,” I’m realizing that the notion that I’m responsible for everything that comes into my life is absolute, total crap. Sometimes there are things we just shouldn’t apologize for.
So now I’m here to say sorry, but I’m not sorry. Because there are just some things in life I can’t control and neither can you. And that’s perfectly OK to admit.
Below are 12 things you shouldn’t fault yourself for — because the sooner you do, the happier you’ll be.
1. Your emotions.
So what if you cry a lot, or are too concerned, or get too passionate about something that matters to you? There’s no such thing as “too much” when it comes to feelings. The sooner we learn that, the more emotionally healthy we’ll be.
2. The way you handle those emotions.
Write out everything you’re thinking in a letter. Slam a door and don’t feel guilty about it. Go for a run and shut off your phone. Do whatever you need to do in order to process what you’re going through — and do it unapologetically. Everyone handles a challenge in their own way.
3. Another person’s rejection.
It’s not your fault that someone doesn’t like your hair, your stance on politics, or the way you carry yourself. That’s their problem. If you’re behaving in a way that’s most authentic to you, that’s all you can do. The right people — the ones who belong in your life — will accept every part of it.
4. Little failures.
And big failures. We’re human, mistakes are in our nature. We forgive others for their indiscretions — it’s time to start extending ourselves the same courtesy.
Don’t compare your own story to someone else’s story. The personal shame that comes from not having what she or he is having is too much for one soul to manage.
6. Your needs.
Humans are incredibly complex so our necessities are going to be incredibly different. Don’t blame yourself for needing certain components from a relationship or a career that someone else may not feel is necessary. Don’t apologize for knowing what it takes to make you feel fulfilled.
7. Your guilty pleasures.
If watching The Bachelorette with a giant container of Pad Thai is your thing, there’s no shame in that. It’s also perfectly acceptable to enjoy going to happy hour, or dating around, or meditating every night. You like what you like — embrace it, don’t hide it.
8. Being terrible at something.
Some of us were born with the ability to craft the heck out of an antique coffee table, others burn themselves with a hot glue gun. Life is a series of trials and errors. You have your own unique gifts to offer the world that are different from someone else’s.
9. Putting yourself before anyone else.
The relationship you have with your own heart, mind and soul is the most important relationship you can have. There’s nothing wrong with being a little selfish when the time calls for it.
10. Trusting someone you shouldn’t have.
Feeling burned or betrayed by someone can swallow you whole. But their actions are their own and have nothing to do with you.
People are flawed. Sometimes those flaws show up in the beginning, sometimes they don’t reveal themselves until years down the line. If we kept walls up every single time we met someone to protect ourselves from getting hurt, we’d live a life of sheer loneliness — and there’s nothing worse than that.
11. A terminated relationship.
Some people aren’t meant to stay in our lives beyond the lessons they’ve taught us. It’s as simple as that.
12. Anything that happened in the past.
Ruminating on the past is like waking up every morning and consciously putting on a puka-shell necklace or some other hideous fashion trend that belongs back in an earlier decade. You have the power to make a deliberate choice to live in the now. Any event, negative or otherwise, belongs in the time period which it occurred. The only direction you can move in is forward — and that’s a really beautiful thing.
15 Things You Should Stop Putting Yourself Through
By: Luminita D. Saviuc, Purpose Fairy, where this was originally featured.
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” ~ Thomas Jefferson
A lot of people put themselves through unnecessary pain because of the many unhealthy thoughts, beliefs and behaviors they have. They are so unconscious of their unconsciousness that they blame outside forces for how unhappy they are… They want the world to stop hurting them, when in fact they themselves are hurting themselves.
We are the center of our own personal universe. The thoughts we think, the words we speak, the beliefs we hold and the things we do, they all set the tone for how people, and life in general will treat us… If we want the world to stop treating us unkindly, we have to make sure that we ourselves stop doing the things that cause us pain and suffering. We have to make sure that we ourselves stop hurting ourselves.
Here are 15 things you should stop doing to yourself, things that will help clear out your mind, your heart, your body and your life of everything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy, allowing only good things to come your way.
1. Stop postponing your happiness for the future
Happiness is a journey, not a destination. And if you can’t be happy in this moment, right here, right now, chances are that you will never be happy. Always remember that “There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special. And remember that time waits for no one. So stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Saturday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you’ve had a drink, until you’ve sobered up, until you die, until you are born again, to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.” ~ Unknown
The quality of your life is in direct proportion with the quality of your thoughts.If you want your life to get better, to look better, and to feel better, you have to stop intoxicating yourself with all kind of negative, self-defeating and toxic thoughts.
There are no limits to what we can be, do and have in life, expect the ones we choose to impose on ourselves. And those who continue to argue for their limitations, they will continue to create their life from a place of limitations. Because just like Richard Bach said it, “when you argue for your limitations, sure enough they’re yours.”
Have you heard the saying, “Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening”? Well, guess what. If you continue to tell yourself the same old sad stories about you not being good enough, smart enough, young enough, valuable enough, rich enough, and so on, you will continue to act upon these toxic beliefs and you will continue to attract people and experiences in your life that will prove to you that you are right. Because guess what? Life always gives you the experiences that you yourself think, and feel, worthy of receiving. Because that’s how much life loves you.
Jim Rohn once said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with, and from personal experience I can tell you that that’s true. If you surround yourself with all kind of negative and toxic people, people who loooove to complain about everything and everyone, and who expect the whole world to change so that they can finally be happy, then you will start to mirror their behavior. And without you even knowing it, you will start to believe the same things that they believe, and behave in the same way that they behave.
6. Stop waiting for life to begin
This moment is your life. And if you waste this moment by waiting for life to begin, then you will waste your whole life waiting. Failing to realize that while were waiting for life to begin, your life was already unfolding.
“Waiting is a state of mind. Basically, it means that you want the future; you don’t want the present. You don’t want what you’ve got, and you want what you haven’t got. With every kind of waiting, you unconsciously create inner conflict between your here and now, where you don’t want to be, and the projected future, where you want to be. This greatly reduces the quality of your life by making you lose the present.” ~ The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
7. Stop complaining
If you don’t like something, change it. And if you can’t change it, change the way you look at it. Change your attitude, change your perception, but stop complaining. Because trust me, complaining won’t make things better, on the contrary, it will make them worse.
8. Stop comparing yourself to other people
Your job here on this Earth isn’t to be better than other people, but better than you used to be. Better today than you were yesterday. Your job is to be better than yourself, not better than other people.
Instead of looking to your left and to your right to see what other people are preoccupied with, and instead of wasting your precious time and energy to compare yourself, and your life, to everyone else, you might want to save that energy and channel it into something that will make you happy, and bring you peace of mind.
9. Stop dwelling on the past
Each day offers you a new chance to start all over. To leave the past behind you and start a new life. So learn to treasure this beautiful gift that life is offering you. Leave the dead bury their own dead, and move on with your life.
Why are you looking for love in all the wrong places when there is so much love hidden deep within you, eagerly waiting to be discovered? Find the love that lies within you. Become one with it, and then the whole world will shower you with love. Just like you always wanted.
11. Stop worrying
Leave your worries behind you, they serve you no good.
Those who are ungrateful for what they have, they will lose the gifts that were bestowed on them by life. And when those gifts will be taken away from them, then they will realize how much they had to be grateful for. There is so much to be grateful for in this world, so much to appreciate. And the more you get into the habit of expressing your gratitude for the life you are living, and for the many wonderful things that are present in your life, the more life will give you to be thankful for.
13. Stop trying so hard to make everyone like you
If you want people to like you, stop trying so hard. Yes, you heard me. Stop trying so hard. If you want the world to rave about you, and if you want people to like you, instead of chasing and begging for their love and approval, get busy living your life in a way that will make people curious about you and your life. Get busy with creating things that you are passionate about, things that make your heart sing with joy, and if you do this, not only will people love you, but you yourself will love yourself. And that my friend, will make you very happy.
14. Stop doubting yourself
Have faith in who you are. Know that there is a force in you that is more powerful than anything you have ever known. Stop doubting yourself, and learn to trust this force. Learn to trust yourself, your inner wisdom, your inner power, but also the wisdom of life. Know that none of us is here by accident, none of us is flawed. We all have unique gifts and talents that are needed in this world. Who we are matters. Who you are matters.
“Be humble for you are made of earth. Be noble for you are made of stars.” ~ Serbian Proverb
15. Stop taking your sense of worth from outside of you
“Why are you so enchanted by this world, when a mine of gold lies within you?” ~ Rumi
There are things in life that we do, and things that we are. That which we are, is eternal, and that which we have, is temporary. Never look outside of you for things, people and experiences to confirm your sense of value and your worth. Never get your sense of worth from outside of you, for that will only enslave you, putting at the mercy of things, people and experiences you have little or no control over.
P.S. I know there is a lot of stopping but I guess we all need to be reminded of how much we are damaging ourselves and our lives because of our thoughts, beliefs, actions and behaviors. And I guess that’s a lot more harmful than me using the stop word.
Did you know that virtually every emotional wound is intertwined with issues of worthiness? In fact, feelings of unworthiness keep us from creating the lives we most desire. In order to heal our emotional wounds and consciously create, we must conquer our fears of unworthiness, but in order to do this, we must first understand why we are programmed to feel unworthy.
Like most “subconscious programs” the Worthiness Program is often passed down, unknowingly from our caretakers, but even, on the rare chance, that you did not inherit this program, by the time you are in first grade, the program officially begins.
On day one of first grade, we are taught that there is right and wrong, deserving and non-deserving, and passing and failing, all adding up to either worthy or not worthy. Year after year, with every test and evaluation, we must prove our worth. But not just worthy to move on to the next lesson, the next grade or to graduation, we are asked to prove that we are worthy of approval, acknowledgment, appreciation and even love.http://wakeup-world.com/2014/11/30/worthiness-a-key-to-emotional-healing/
If we do what we are told and we fit in with the group dynamic, we receive rewards and our emotional needs are met. However, if we think for ourselves, and we do not fit in, no rewards come; leaving us feeling emotionally punished by disapproval, disappointment and the withholding of love by those in authority. In other words, we are deemed unworthy.
Society teaches us that worthiness is directly connected to our future and ongoing success in the world. Therefore, we must possess worthiness in order to have purpose, make money, and attract a life partner; just as being poor, having no partner, or no direction in life directly relates to unworthiness.
By the time we go out into the world on our own, we are deeply programmed to believe that others must find us worthy in order for us to succeed. In fact, we believe that our survival depends on the world agreeing that we are worthy. Of course, infinite conditions dictate worthiness depending on environment, culture, religion and society. We might easily meet the conditions of one group, while missing the conditions of another; thereby being worthy to some, but not to others. Maybe we even alter ourselves artificially in different situations and relationships so that our worthiness quotient increases. Of course, the cost of pretending to be someone that we are not in order to please others, always involves some level of shame and secrecy.
If we always feel self-conscious about others’ expectations, albeit partners, parents or bosses, and we change our behavior accordingly in order to get approval and be deemed worthy, we must always be on guard. So even if we are authentic in some situations, we must be ready to alter or hide our real selves if the situation should suddenly change; for example if we run into a co-worker while on vacation or a parent drops by unexpectedly. In this way, we can never really let go and relax; we must stay in a constant state of underlying anxiety in order to be able to shift identities on the fly – just to be worthy in this moment.
If we don’t meet the real or imagined conditions that others place on us, we could lose employment, be abandoned or experience ridicule. In this way, being spontaneous or authentic in all areas of life could be the most dangerous thing one could do – in the eyes of worthiness.
Even if you succeed and find your worth in a career or a relationship, for example, you will always need that outside source to feel worthy – this places a great deal of dependence on something you cannot control, and so you live in fear, placing all sorts of stress on the other person or external situation.
The real problem lies in the impossibility of proving worth, because you cannot prove worth.
Your Worth is Unconditional
Worth cannot be proven or dis-proven because it resides at the core of every being. There is nothing that you can do in order to be more or less worthy than you intrinsically are. If you spend the rest of your life sitting on a rock, you are no less worthy. Your worth is unconditional and guaranteed. This is what they failed to tell you in school.
The mere act of attempting to prove worth keeps you in a space of experiencing unworthiness, because in the quest to prove your worth, you must first believe that you are unworthy. It is like chasing the carrot on the stick and never getting it. In trying to prove your worth, you are really running from the fear of unworthiness, and this keeps you trapped in the worthiness program.
Worthiness is the core issue for a long list of challenges in life
Feelings of unworthiness cause co-dependence, addiction, depression, illness, victim-hood, abuse, lack of confidence, poor communication, power issues, obesity, indecision, confusion, panic attacks, abandonment issues, trust issues, eating disorders, relationship issues and the list goes on and on.
Virtually every issue imaginable is entangled with the issue of worthiness. Healing a worthiness issue can be the ultimate cure for so many of life’s problems, including issues of health and prosperity.
There is a direct correlation between knowing your worth and your level of prosperity. People who do not know their worth often experience scarcity because they do not feel worthy of prosperity, while those who know their worth are able to attract unlimited abundance, simply because they feel worthy of it. At the core of all abundance issues is the issue of worthiness.
Worthiness is also directly tied to self-love.
We are told to love ourselves and that self-love is the answer to most of life’s problems, and this may be true, but you cannot love yourself if you do not feel worthy of that love. You also cannot allow others to love you if you do not feel worthy. This is the number one cause of relationship issues.
What if you could make a Quantum Jump and heal numerous issues with just one shift? That shift is turning off the Worthiness Program.
How to Turn Off the Worthiness Program
Subconscious programs are created when a series of strong beliefs are supported in reality through emotional experiences, and perpetuated over time. If the program goes unquestioned, like most do, it grows stronger and stronger. If everyone around you is being run by the same program, it strengthens the morphic field of the program and even makes the program seem “normal” – if everyone is the same, it must be normal.
The way to turn off a program is to claim your power over it. No matter how powerful something may seem, there is nothing that has power over you. You have the power to change anything in your life.
In order to turn off the worthiness program, you must stop acting like your worth is conditional – and you must stop believing that you need to improve or change in any way, in order to gain worth. Looking to the outside world of people or things for your worth keeps you trapped in a vicious cycle with no way out.
The outside world cannot give you worth! In fact, no one can give it to you and no one can take it away. This means that you must stop making your worth dependent on anything or anyone. You must claim your worth once and for all, and own it forever – without conditions.
Even though it appears that the worthiness program is external, and it seems as if something is being done to you, this is not true. The worthiness program is an internal program, and it is fueled by your inner critic. In order to turn off the program, you must rid yourself of negative self-talk and self-judgment.
When you stop doing to yourself what the world does to you, the world will stop doing it to you. The outer world can only reflect the inner world.
To get off the worthiness wheel of fortune, you must release your fear of failure and embrace the courage to be different. Instead of judging yourself and waiting for the world to judge you, above all, love yourself and value yourself, whether you are wrong or right, whether you fail or succeed, whether you fit in or you are completely eccentric.
It takes courage to find yourself unconditionally worthy but you are the only one who can do it.
If you have difficulty claiming your worth, at the very least stop pursuing it. In fact, instead of spending the rest of your life trying to prove your worth, what if it was okay to be unworthy? What if you just gave in to unworthiness? This may sound like a silly thing to say but if you have the courage to give in to unworthiness by giving up the search for worth, the illusion of conditional worth will shatter, and you will likely discover that you are already worthy.
Owning Your Worth Changes Your Life!
When you are no longer pursuing paths or people in order to feel good about your-self, you become empowered. This means that no one has power over you, and your choices exponentially open up. If you no longer need others to find you worthy, you can do whatever you desire without having to worry about what the world says.
This also means that you free all the people who once had the power to give you worth or take it away. As you do this, your energy dis-entangles and you take your power back from everyone – and everything.
If you no longer need degrees, credentials or possessions to make you feel worthy, you are freed from a self-imposed prison. You can still have these things, but your worth is no longer contingent on any of them. Your worth is not dependent on anything – that is the point!
Discovering yourself to be intrinsically worthy allows you to heal all issues that manifested because you believed you were unworthy. The result is releasing worry, fear, stress and even depression, allowing you to become open, authentic, confident and happy. As you discover yourself to be unconditionally worthy, your level of prosperity increases and all your relationships improve, as you experience so much more love for yourself and from others.
Remembering that you are unconditionally worthy is a short cut to spiritual growth because you are no longer tied to the material world through needing it to give you worth. Unconditional worth also connects you to who you really are, while at the same time activating your intuition, allowing you to receive powerful inner guidance.
Owning your worth can be the magic key to an ultra-successful life. When you are no longer looking to the outside world for your worth, you are free to create what you desire. Free to love who you want to love, free to follow the path of your heart, free to express yourself and free just to be you – whoever that might be, and you might be surprised who that is. Knowing your worth allows you to tap into your power to consciously create the life of your dreams.
The thing is, there is nothing to do, and that is the point. Your worth is intrinsic. Right now, you can drop all your preconceptions about worth, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are worthy. As you say, I Am Worthy over and over again, a deep part of you begins to awaken, shaking loose the binds that kept you from emotional freedom. You have all the power to free yourself by owning and claiming your worth.
Your Gift of Worthiness to the World
Your mission in life is to find yourself worthy so that you can go out into the world and show others how to find it for themselves, just by modeling unconditional worthiness in the living of your life.
If you are raising children, be conscious of not hooking them into the worthiness program and teach them that they are unconditionally worthy – encourage them to think for themselves.
You can also help to release the people in your life from the worthiness program by loving them and accepting them exactly as they are. This means, as you rid yourself of negative self-talk, self-judgment, and self-criticism, you must also stop judging others, no matter what they do. Seeing everyone as 100% worthy right now creates the space for others to break free. This is the greatest gift you can give to any human being.
As you release the search for conditional worth and you embrace your birthright of unconditional worth, you naturally realign with a higher frequency of worthiness; a knowing grows inside you that shows you that we are all intrinsically perfect and worthy beings. As you discover yourself, and everyone else, to be unconditionally worthy, life as you once knew it, is transformed before your eyes, and you are free to live your life as it was meant to be. This is how we transform humanity into the New Dream of Peace and Harmony on Earth.
Our thoughts are everywhere. Sometimes they can be handy in figuring things out, or sometimes they can overcomplicate things when they don’t need to and many times they just can’t help but be there, including now as you read this article. The bottom line is: your mind always has something to say.
Although practices such as meditation can be great tools in quieting the mind from its rampant chatter, the greatest tool we can ever develop is to regain control of the roller coaster that our mind takes us on. No matter how often it has something to say, it’s ultimately always up to us in how we choose to react to what it has to say. Just like at an amusement park where we have the choice of which roller coaster we would like to ride, we also have the choice as to whether we let our life’s roller coaster be the 5 out of 5 intensity of the BEHEMOTH, or the 1 out of 5 Jolly Taxi.
Rather than always trying to quiet the mind, here are 6 thoughts that we can all implement right now to throw our mind for a loop and make us all instantly happier:
1) When Has Laziness Ever Gotten Me Anywhere?
We all have a lazy bone within us, and many times succumbing to that laziness can be a great experience and an awesome opportunity to unwind. The issue arises when that lazy bone holds us back from doing something that either needs to be done or involves something that we are passionate about. All of the world’s greatest thinkers, athletes, artists, builders, etc., all became that way because they refused to let laziness control their life.
“I can’t relate to lazy people. We don’t speak the same language. I don’t understand you. I don’t want to understand you.” – Kobe Bryant
The bottom line is, in this life you are never going to be younger than you are right now, so if not now, when?
What to do if your mind objects: Rather than basking in the idea of how nice laziness can feel at times, and ultimately letting “I don’t feel like it” dictate your decision, choose to look at the other option. Think of how great it feels to accomplish or be a part of something once you get yourself engaged in it. Let that guide you to say “yes,” with the icing on the cake being how much better the relaxation will feel afterwards with the added incentive of having done something.
2) I Already Have Everything I Need
How many of you have ever heard someone say something like this to you? I’m going to start eating healthy and taking care of myself once I finish this project at work, break-up with the girl I’m dating and get my own place. This thought series -or any other one similar to it -I like to call the ultimate creator of being stuck in a limbo state. We identify a change we would like to make, something we are passionate about, but we choose to hold off on incorporating it until a handful of other cards all fall into place. The all too common end result? Those cards never line-up as we expect them to and years go by without us ever exploring the healthy life that we’ve always wanted to.
What to do if your mind objects: Remember that no matter how full our plate currently is, we can always make time to incorporate something that is important to us (think of how we always manage to make time to deal with emergencies.) Even if just in small doses at first -such as making one homemade lunch a week in the example above -these steps show our mind that we are choosing to take control and gets ourselves on a path to a happier version of our self.
3) I Choose To Focus On The Journey, Not The End Result
The world is a vast place with over 7 billion people. Rather than seeing this as a cool fact, many of us see it as a justification as to why we cannot do anything that will have a significant impact. Since our mind will obsess and compare with things of great magnitude, we will often choose to not even bother partaking in or initiating something that we are passionate about -something that if we did, would make us happier.
What to do if your mind objects: Keep two rebuttals in mind: (1) even the grandest things started small, (2) even the smallest thing has an impact on the entire world at a conscious level. We still have plenty of room to grow, but even Collective Evolution started as just 3 guys with an idea, an idea that slowly developed into the website, social media platform and film production company that it is today.
4) I Am Exactly Where I Need To Be
Comparison is at the core of many toxic thoughts, whether it be towards another person, a personal expectation or a socially developed norm. That being the case, our mind often loves to dwell upon the idea of being a failure to this point, which for many people can lead to “settling” or “rushing” to try and get themselves “there” as quickly as possible. Why not instead work on selling yourself on the idea that we are always exactly where we need to be?
What to do if your mind objects: Whether or not your mind chooses to agree with you being exactly where you need to, we can all agree that no matter what, there is nothing we can do to change the past. That being the case, choose to accept your life for what it has been, love yourself for who you are now and be present in the now, with no regard towards regrets. Choose to move forward rather than spend any more time thinking about how things could have gone differently.
5) I Can’t Please Everyone
The mind is a very powerful creator, and speaking from personal experience, one of the areas that it particularly loves to create within is the idea of how others will react to something that you do. It will often create and obsess to the point that many of us choose to hold ourselves back from doing something that we felt pulled to, just to avoid the potential ridicule or friction that may or may not come from others in our life.
What to do if your mind objects: The first thing to note is that more often than not, people are far too consumed with their own lives to ever carry through on the ridicule that your mind expected them to. But even if they do, is it really worth holding yourself back to avoid facing? When you choose to let the potential opinion of others dictate your life you ultimately choose to willingly place yourself in a “safety” box that will likely never expand to explore many of your passions. Does that sound like happiness?
6) I’m Beautiful Just The Way I Am
This is by far the most specific of the thoughts that I chose to put on this list, but I feel its placement is justified because of the superficially obsessed world that we live in. Whether we’re married, chronically single or have never been kissed it’s amazing how many of us regularly inflict the idea of being ugly upon ourselves -myself included. Whether it be focused on particular aspects of ourselves that we feel fall short, or our entire physicality as a whole we seem to love thrusting negative thoughts towards this awesome gift that we have the privilege of inhabiting.
What to do if your mind objects: Choose to opt out of the world’s “idea” of beauty and accept yourself for who you are. Whether or not the rest the world chooses to play along there is nothing more attractive than a person who is comfortable and confident in their own shoes. Be who you are and try throwing some nice comments towards yourself for a change.