I was frustrated, exhausted, and suicidal, ready to call it quits many times over the last few years. It was the most painful experience, yet also the most educational, now that I am coming out on the other side of such a dark period. I discovered that a major part of healing, just like illness, is SELF created.
Yes — you create your own pain and suffering and your own joy and healing. Sound crazy? Maybe, but there are a ton of books and research showing that the mind-body connection exists and impacts us immensely. How you feel about yourself plays a huge role in illness and in wellness.
You Play A Role In Your Health
You are a powerful creator, whether you realize it or not. The stories and beliefs that dominate your mind (we will call these mind programs) all day dictate how you feel and create situations and experiences for you to grow and learn.
Many of us are carrying negative self talk programs as a result of our familial, cultural, and societal influences. Our race, culture, gender, genetics, and background (socio-economic status, etc.) all influence us and the way we look at ourselves and life.
As a whole, the world we live in is filled with fear. From a young age, most of us are told “be careful, don’t do that, watch out” and many other negative phrases, repeatedly, which in return builds up a fear-based foundation of belief systems in us.
We learn to be very cautious, afraid, and obedient, so we stay within our box, confined to a limited way of living. We are not able to think beyond the walls that we have been trained exist all around us. This causes us to react with fear, worry, and anxiety when things happen to us or in our world.
Planetary Energy Shifts
Now, as the energy on the planet has shifted to being more open — we are questioning and rebelling against the status quo and the younger generation is continually pushing the envelope on our perceived limits — things are changing and more of us are becoming aware of this negative, fear driven belief system that we have been surrounded by and embedded in.
The plethora of Awakening information available online, although overwhelming at times and sometimes even controversial, has certainly played a major role in shifting things, as has social media, which has made it possible to share information on multiple platforms instantaneously, thus reaching more and more people.
Going back to the fear based belief system many of us carry, it is clear that a strong component of this is Negative Self Talk. It’s amazing to realize that you are not alone in feeling not good enough, fraudulent (even when you are “successful”), unworthy, and unconfident. These emotions create anxiety, fear, and worry, and can eventually lead to depression.
Many of us experience these feelings on a daily basis, and unbeknownst to us, these beliefs form the basis for our physical and emotional health. Of course other lifestyle factors come into play as well, such as what and how often we eat, how active we are, how we deal with our emotions/challenges, and how high our stress levels are. But there is now more and more research showing the importance of the Mind-Body Connection; it is undeniable.
How Do You Feel About You?
I will go out on a limb and say, in my experience, the biggest factor in determining our physical and emotional health is how we feel about ourselves. Yes, you read that right. How you feel about yourself dictates what kind of messages you tell yourself all day.
How would you like to live with someone who is constantly down on themselves and always judging themselves? Not fun is it? But the truth is that many of us are actually quite mean to ourselves, all day long. How crazy is that? Not only that, but we are usually in constant, deep resistance to what is happening around us as well, which further compounds the issue.
Do you see the picture here? Being hard on ourselves all the time plus being at war with ourselves over what’s “out there” in the external world is slowly and insidiously killing us.
Through my own painful and difficult journey, I came to realize that we have to feel it in order to heal it. It seems to be “normal” to resist feeling difficult emotions and feelings; instead we numb them with addictions like overeating, over drinking, drugs, TV, shopping, etc. in order to suppress and deny them. But sooner or later, they catch up with us. We can’t run away forever, but we can create a lot of suffering for ourselves in trying to escape our pain.
Instead, practice the process of ALLOWING whatever is happening and ALLOWING whatever you are feeling. Accepting (the resistance to it is what causes our suffering), embracing, and actually coming to love it, no matter what it is, is the only way to release it.
Accept Who You Are
Learn to accept your dark parts, also known as your shadow, and stop trying to deny or avoid them. What we resist, persists and magnifies, causing us even more drama. We all have dark parts; it is a normal part of being human.
Rather than run away from our fears, resentments, loneliness, pain, anger, sadness, abandonment, shame, guilt, etc., we should lean into those uncomfortable emotions and name them, write them down, and get curious. Start asking yourself questions about why you are feeling them and where they are coming from (most likely a childhood trauma or experience).
Is there an opportunity to reconsider that scene with new eyes and realize that positive things also came out of the perceived trauma/negative? Can we see that we learned and grew from that experience, rather than cling to the lopsided victim story we tend to carry around for years? If we can neutralize our one sided victim story, we balance it, and our emotions can shift and begin to heal. This is life transforming.
Lastly, STOP comparing yourself to anyone else or where you think you should be — this is the fastest way to depression. The reality is, you are where you are and it is exactly where you need to be at this time. Anything outside of that is a Story that your mind program made up.
Shift your perception of the story or memory by balancing it and you transform yourself and the situation. It is not easy to do, as most are so addicted to their victim stories, but if you are open and willing to try it, you will experience a powerful change that will impact all areas of your life.
I was surprised to realize that I was being very angry, judgemental, and mean to myself most of the time, so I really had to practice what I preach and learn to Accept, Embrace, and Love myself. This changed Everything — my physical and emotional health started shifting almost immediately and my energy levels improved significantly.
My long-dormant creativity was ignited, after being buried under multiple layers of stress for decades. I discovered new parts of myself and feel different. I feel a renewed love of Life and at a much deeper level than I have ever experienced before. (I was a very positive, compassionate, loving person who helped people and animals in need but did not like or care for myself much.)
A powerful INNER Transformation has taken place and the results are nothing short of amazing. Try being gentle, kind and loving to yourself consistently and you will experience a whole new perspective and way of BEing.
There are good meditation apps as well as personal development apps available to help you with this process, along with many transformational books and various processes on the market. There are countless workshops, articles, and coaches to assist you with this powerful, life-changing process of learning Self Compassion.
The only person who knows what is best for you is You — so make some quiet time to meditate, go to nature, and do some research — and then INVEST in yourself. You are more than worth it.
Do I still experience challenges? Of course – challenges are a part of life and play in important role in our growth. Think about it – without obstacles, we wouldn’t have learned to deal with adversity, face our fears and realize our own strength. Challenges are not a bad thing, they force us to step up and take action, as does fear.
What is it costing you to keep feeling the way you do? Suffering and in pain, physically and emotionally? If you are ready and willing to do the work (because it IS work!) and you realize it’s time for Change — start taking small steps towards Self Connection and Self Transformation. Watch your world change.