Being True to Self

Transcending the Tribe

By Caroline Myss

All of us are born into a “tribal mentality” of various forms. These include our family unit, religious background, country of origin, ethnicity, etc. The tribal mentality effectively indoctrinates an individual into the tribe’s beliefs, ensuring that all believe the same. The structure of reality – what is and is not possible for the members of the group – is thus agreed upon and maintained by the tribe.

While the tribal mentality has definite benefits in terms of establishing common ground and ensuring group survival, it is not a conscious agreement. We are born into it. Yet at a certain stage, both personally and collectively, the tribal mentality must be challenged. People can then begin to recognize the need for a personalhonor code independent of the tribe. If humanity is to progress, we need to learn how to treat everyone – regardless of tribal affiliation – with honor and respect.

Every one of us is plugged into the tribal mind. We support tribal belief patterns by directing a percentage of our life force into maintaining our affiliation with the tribe. This involves an implicit agreement to think like the tribe thinks, to evaluate situations and people the way the tribe does, and to believe in right and wrong according to tribal values and ambitions. As long as the tribal mentality within us remains unexamined, we unwittingly subject others to our tribal laws.

When we are plugged into tribal thought forms, we can easily believe in nonsensical prejudices held by the tribe. Tribal mentality allows us to hold harsh, judgmental positions or attitudes about an entire group of people: “All fat people are lazy,” or “all Irish are drunks,” or “all Muslims are terrorists” for example.

A rigid tribal thought form may have little truth to it, but individuals hold to such beliefs because that perspective is what the tribe has agreed to believe. Innocent children, born into the hatred and prejudice of their parents and ancestors, grow up inside a tribal mentality that sponsors an endless march toward war against the tribe’s perceived enemies. People grow up hating other people – people they have never seen – based on group affiliation. This is the shadow side of the tribe.

Inevitably, some among us come to a point where we want to break out of the inflexible tribal mentality. At some point, these individuals want to explore, develop, and manage their own consciousness without the judgments and limitations of the tribal mind.

It is easy to spot these mavericks when they start to question and unplug from tribal mentality – they hang out on the periphery looking bored and restless, or whimsical and dreamy. Others may act out the agitated hot-head as they challenge tribal ways.

The unspoken assumption of the tribal mind is that everybody loves being part of the tribe. And in many ways, we do. Knowing where and to whom we “belong” is crucial to our self-concept and sense of safety in the world. Yet when we begin the real deep journey of questioning, “What do I believe?” and start to individuate from the tribe, we often enter a dark night of the soul. It is, by necessity, a passage we take alone.

It’s one thing to reject what we don’t want to believe anymore. It’s quite another to begin to explore what we do believe. All we know as we enter the dark night is that we can’t go back – even when the tribe is the only world we’ve ever known.

At this critical point in our development, the tribe doesn’t feel right anymore. It no longer offers us comfort. Previous feelings of security and familiarity begin to feel like a trap constraining our individuality and hampering our efforts to discover deeper levels of who we really are.

This dark night passage pushes us to look at our false gods – the tribal belief patterns in which we’ve become invested and to which we’ve given our allegiance.

The Language of Wounds

For a large segment of the population, the language of wounds has become the new tribal language of intimacy. Prior to the current age of personal therapy – which only really took off in the 1960s and 70s – the tribal language of intimacy largely involved the sharing of only superficial personal and family data. Deeper matters such as family secrets like sexual abuse or a mad aunt or uncle were shared with exceedingly few, if any.

Divorce and financial information were also considered very intimate. People would almost never talk about such matters, or about their inner life and emotions. They talked only about the details of what was going on in their external lives. The tribal mentality at the time kept people from revealing intimate matters or deep wounds or traumas even with their family and close friends.

The current age of personal therapy has brought about a very different situation. Now, the tribal mentality has shifted such that we not only share our intimate feelings more openly and willingly, many have even begun to define themselves by their wounds. Let me give an example of how this phenomenon plays itself out.

I was in an Indian restaurant in Scotland talking with two men friends when the woman friend I was to meet for dinner walked up and greeted the three of us. After I had introduced her, another man walked over and asked if she was free on June 8th, as he thought she might like to attend a lecture on that date. The question required little more than a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ answer.

Instead of a simple answer, she began an elaborate discussion about June 8th. “Did you say June 8th? No, no. Any other day would be fine, but not June 8th. That’s the day my incest survivor group meets and I have to be there because we never let each other down.” She went on and on for at least a full minute with this.

Later, I asked her, “Do you realize that in that brief introduction, you told two men whom you have never met before that 1) you had experienced incest, 2) you were still in therapy about it, 3) you were angry about it, 4) you were angry at men, and 5) you needed to determine the course of the conversation – all in one minute?”

She replied, “Well, I am a victim of incest.”

To which I replied, “I know that. Why did you have to let them know that?”

She was operating from a tribal mentality. The group mind within the incest survivor community has a belief about how this particular wound should be healed. The tribe says, “You need a group.” The tribe says, “You have a right to be angry.”

People now get together in support group tribes that function within many of the same rigid frameworks of ethnic, national, or family tribes. Some feel that the comfort and security of belonging to a group or tribe is more important than venturing alone in the direction of real healing.

Tribalism in Relationships

The tendency toward tribalism can keep us stuck in repeating negative cycles in our intimate relationships, and can wreak havoc when a relationship is ripe for transition. Tribal mentality often teaches a righteous stance in relationships: an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. When we feel violated, the first thought is vengeance, rather than forgiveness.

Tribal mentality even has gender-specific undercurrents – women do vengeance differently than men. Yet for both genders, what rules the day is the tribal mentality that holds “breaking up is painful” or “betrayal warrants retaliation.”

Healing revolves around this crucial question: “Do you want to make different choices?” Are we willing to let go of old, constricting tribal patterns? Sadly, the answer quite often is “No.” Being healthy isn’t always the most appealing option. Quite frankly, in many cases, it’s not appealing at all. What is most appealing is being out of pain. Old patterns are difficult to relinquish because they do serve to relieve pain, even if it is only in the short run.

Change is terrifying for many precisely because short-term pain relief must be given up. Deep healing requires learning to tolerate the pain that comes with change. Fortunately, the growing pains that come with new behavior – with making the choices that will change your life – are often short-lived.

Thought alone doesn’t heal. Nor does action without thought. For deep healing to occur, we need the chemistry of conscious thought and direct action combined. Every thought or attitude we have – whether consciously chosen or unconsciously adopted through the tribal mind – invests a part of our life-force into that thought or attitude. This is true whether the thought is one of betrayal and vengeance, or of understanding and forgiveness.

What matters is that a whole system of consciousness – the old tribal mentality – no longer holds us enthralled. We no longer have faith in those limiting patterns of thought. Through this transformation we learn a whole new level of trust. We break the habit of telling tribal lies which bring short-term comfort but long-term pain. We develop a new sense of self-worth and of trust and honor.

In spite of all the heavy tribal conditioning, we now have hope because tribal mentality the world over is going through a vast transformation. And each one of us can play a vital role in this transformation.

With increasing numbers of individuals changing and transcending limiting tribal beliefs, the codes of the tribe are being affected. As we collectively change and evolve, the tribes around us gradually change and evolve with us. Yet ultimately, the journey upon which we are embarking is an incredible solo flight of transcending the tribe to find our own trust, honor, and new sense of self-worth and meaning in life.

Note: Caroline Myss ( is a medical intuitive, mystic, and author of numerous books and audio tapes, including three New York Times best sellers. The above is an edited excerpt of her essay titled “Leaving the Wounded Relationship Tribe,” taken from a compilation of essays by various authors in the enlightening book, The Marriage of Sex & Spirit, edited by Geralyn Gendreau.

The above is an essay from one of the free Personal Growth Courses offered by PEERS


Trust Your Heart

Truth Gleaning and the Quest for Meaning

by Zen Gardner Jan 21, 2016

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by Zen Gardner

What I find profoundly encouraging is the knowledge that the truth is out there and being feasted upon. We may not get the immediate gratification of this realization due to suppressed mainstream news but it is the truth.

Let yourself peruse other areas of information dissemination and you’ll see it. Not just the mainstream, although it’s leaking in there as well and can be identified by their occasional admissions and wildly erratic distractions, cover ups and damage control efforts.

Look at what’s happening in the Christian and other religious and belief paradigms and how much they’re getting much of what’s going on and obviously using our alternative resources to substantiate their newfound information. They and other previously isolated belief cliques are on to the transhuman agenda, genetic modification, geoengineering and the growing police state in a big way. What happens? This leads them down new pathways to discover other unsavory truths about the whirled around us.

And this naturally lends itself to new discoveries in a realm where truth vindicates itself in a big way.

The Truth Has Legs of It’s Own

Now extrapolate that out to the politically sincere looking for answers amidst such obvious media, political and economic chicanery and manipulation. Or the disillusioned patriot or freedom lover who sees no light at the end of the tunnel and is looking for empowerment and encouragement as well as solace.

And how about those directly affected by these psychopathic genocidal incursions into their countries, or are within a nation supporting such atrocities? Then there are the many people drastically affected by the clearly manipulated money, energy and housing markets. They are seriously reassessing what’s really going on.

These are the people of the growing mass awakening. It’s happening at many levels. Don’t hold your breath for all of them, but there is an insurgence of truth recognition that we can draw tremendous affirmation from.

The truth may not be predominant on the whirled scene just yet, but it’s being gleaned and digested at many levels for any and all willing and/or compelled to look for it.

So let’s keep getting it out there and keep heart in our efforts.

Information and Resonance

When the truth hits anyone, in most cases we stop and consider at some level. Sometimes it can be in the middle of a comedy routine, a wonderful outlet for truth and release. Sometimes it’s a news item, something someone said at the right time, an event, but we all experience these moments.

And they add up to eventually tip the scales.

The fact that humanity has been driven to an on-line existence is not all bad. There’s a hell of a lot more truth on the net than in senseless, meaningless shallow interactions in our politically correct paralyzed media defined whirled where contention and personal belief affirmation are the daily fare.

But despite that senseless banter in humdrum society, the internet is where many “stumble” on true, resonant information and a sense of compassion for humanity you find nowhere else in this current contrived social milieu.

People turn toward and respond to resonance – that which vibrates with their inner soul expression. Of course there are many layers of shallower responses but the drawing is there. And that’s what is compelling millions upon millions to seek greater truth.

A truly phenomenal epoch of which we are all part.

Trust Your Heart and Keep Your Shoulder to the Wheel

I can’t emphasize this enough. Don’t look for validation from outside sources, although I’m trying to identify how to spot those as well for extra encouragement. Trust your heart. You’ll know our current condition and situation by your intuitive sense most of all, assuming you are already a participant in one form or another.

You have to keep the intention going in order to pick up the signal.

The awakening is not some far off etherial notion. It is real, pragmatic and applicable in our daily lives. It involves information dissemination, personal intent, courageous activism and a redefined sense of our true selves. We have to be willing to buck the tide, and to do it wisely yet with fierce determination – in many small ways and often big ways which will take sacrifice of personal comfort and so-called security.

But the pay off? Priceless! The inspiration and enthusiasm that fills the committed life is inestimable.

Wanna give it a shot? What do you have to lose?

A lot if you don’t.

The new world is being born in our awakening. Let it happen.

It’s in our power to tip the scales.

Lean on. The wheel is turning and the paradigms are shifting!

Love always, Zen


Information, Conditioning, & Discernment

Keeping Your “Reality Bubble” Permeable

During this time of massively conflicting information, misinformation and disinformation we must make sure our “Reality Bubbles” are permeable to new information.

by Corey/GoodETxSG on 10 Sep 2015 

 Every one of us have developed belief systems based on certain data-sets from Guru’s, Channelers, Contactee’s, “Whistleblowers” and Researchers. All of these people are fallible human beings who’s info is only as accurate as their chosen sources.If we say we are discerning, but basing or comparing information to our ensconced belief systems (rejecting anything that conflicts), we are deceiving ourselves. For our discernment filters to work correctly and truly they must also be permeable and allow new information to pass through to be filtered. Do not get caught up in enlightenment traps of the theologies and philosophies of others… No matter how well-intentioned they may be. You are responsible for your own growth and journey. Locking yourself into a belief system and then defending it from anything that conflicts with it, or makes you uncomfortable, will prevent you from evolving any further and make you dependent on another human or being who may have been mislead.

The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lie.

There is more to come, however it is requested that in order to read the rest of the article, you please go to the source: