In the End, It’s All About You

Five Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

By Ellen Hendriksen on Thursday August 30th, 2018

Image: Unknown

Why We Shouldn’t Compare

Comparing yourself to others happens at every age, from noting who has the best toys in the preschool sandbox to whose grandkids got into what college. But comparing oneself to others is especially rampant among young adults. Life-changing milestones happen quickly and often—graduations, engagements, career advancement—and it’s all on display on social media, the motherlode of FOMO-inducing social comparison.

The technical term for ‘comparing yourself to others’ is upward comparison. This means comparing ourselves to someone we perceive to be better off or more proficient than ourselves. By contrast, there is also downward comparison, which is comparing ourselves to those worse off or less proficient, like “There but for the grace” or, less eloquently, “Sucks to be them.”

Comparisons may be part of human nature—I’m sure cavemen once envied their neighbors’ fires and wheels—but when it gets out of hand, it leaves you feeling inadequate and insecure, not to mention depressed and anxious. What to do? We’ll cover five ways to stop comparing yourself to others.

5 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

  1. Feel the power.
  2. Find your purpose.
  3. Reinterpret what’s behind material possessions.
  4. Purge your phone.
  5. Remember you don’t have the full picture.

Let’s dive deeper into each tip.

Tip #1: Feel the Power

People with power—those in influential or leadership positions—can make decisions, override objections, and have others carry out their decisions.

But power is also a state of mind. Those who feel powerful approach social comparisons differently than those who don’t feel powerful, which is to say, they pretty much ignore them.

Feel the powerTake back your power–remember, you are the CEO of your life and choices.

A study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology induced participants to feel more or less powerful by recalling in detail a time at work when they either had power over another person or someone had power over them.

Next, they read a description of a supposed recent graduate from their university. For some participants, the description was deliberately intimidating, with the fictitious grad racking up many impressive achievements and successes.

Finally, each participant rated themselves on six traits: Academic achievement, intelligence, competence, work ethic, likeability, and success.

Social comparisons magically seem less relevant when you’re busy saving the world or otherwise pursuing a goal you truly believe to be worthwhile.

The result? Those who had been induced to feel powerful and then read the about their fictitious peer’s FOMO-inducing achievements were more like rubber than glue with social comparisons. Even in the face of an accomplished striver, they still felt good about themselves on the six characteristics.

And what about the low power group? When they compared themselves to the fictitious striver, they felt bad about themselves, rating themselves lower.

So take back your power wherever you might be giving it away unnecessarily. You don’t need to turn into a spittle-spewing autocrat with bulging neck veins, but remember you are the CEO of your life and choices.

Tip #2: Find Your Purpose

Worried you can’t fake the C-suite attitude? No problem. You can get a similar effect with a different mindset: Purpose.

Find your purposePeople with a sense of purpose are less easily swayed by outside influences.

Another study, also in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, found that people with a sense of purpose were less swayed by feedback on social media. It’s not to say they didn’t notice ‘likes’ or comments at all, but they didn’t rely on them to feed their self-esteem.

So think: Why were you put on this planet? What do you care deeply about? Social comparisons magically seem less relevant when you’re busy saving the world or otherwise pursuing a goal you truly believe to be worthwhile.

Tip #3: Reinterpret What’s Behind Material Possessions

Okay, now, how to handle comparisons about material possessions—your neighbor’s new Tesla, say, or your office frenemy’s Birkin bag?

Well, in an individualistic society like the U.S., where personal choice and self-expressionare emphasized, people use their possessions to express who they are—Patagonia jackets and Subarus for the NPR crowd, Vans and PBR for hipsters, and so on.

Research shows that this tendency to define ourselves by our consumerism goes into overdrive when our idea of ourselves is threatened. For instance, one study showed that people made to doubt their intelligence suddenly became more interested in buying brainy accessories, like fountain pens and classical music. Likewise, those made to feel powerless became more inclined to buy expensive cars.

One study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletinasked participants to write a brief essay about the three domains of their life—including intelligence, creativity, appearance, career choices, relationships, and more—that made them feel the most confident and certain. By contrast, the other half was asked to write about the three areas of life that made them feel the most doubtful and insecure.

Why are you really buying that?We use ‘stuff’ to buffer ourselves against uncertainty and doubt.

Once primed, they were asked to fill out a questionnaire about their car and whether it expressed how they saw themselves as a person or was simply utilitarian. They agreed or disagreed with statements like “My car makes me feel good about myself,” and “My car helps me establish the kind of person I see myself to be,” as well as statements like, “My car makes it easier for me to structure and organize my daily life.”

The result? When made to feel doubtful and uncertain, participants rated their cars as a way to define themselves.

In short, we use stuff to buffer ourselves against uncertainty and doubt. All this is to say that you can read between the lines when you see your friend’s new drool-inducing shoes, bag, jeans, or car. You’re not trying to be catty, of course, but can quietly reframe their flaunting a new purchase as wearing the universal struggle with self-doubt on their sleeve.

Tip #4: Purge Your Phone

Unfollow any blogger or guru who makes you feel anxious and inadequate. Delete the apps that drag you down. If you spiral into an insecure funk every time you scroll through Instagram, get it off your phone. You can always reinstall it. But try an experiment—go without for a few days, and see if your self-image magically re-inflates.

Tip #5: Remember You Don’t Have the Full Picture

By now we know that social media is the curated highlight reel of others’ lives. But so is everything else we see in public. Your coworker’s big house might be worth less than he owes on it. Your friend’s new promotion might be inducing stomach ulcers and a secret wish to quit and make artisanal goat cheese.

Comparing the mundane, or worse, the low-lights of our lives only to the publicly available lives of others isn’t fair. Refrain from comparing your apples to others’ apple pie.

Another way to look at this is to remember that you and the object of your comparison are two completely different people. You have different personalities, aspirations, mindsets, histories, drives, vices, and downfalls. In other words, you are unique, and therefore, by definition, incomparable.

Unless you decide you’re both awesome and amazing. Then, compare away.

from:    https://upliftconnect.com/five-ways-to-stop-comparing-yourself-to-others/

Signs of the TImes

There is Something Extraordinary Happening in the World

Most of us haven’t quite realized there is something extraordinary happening.

A few months ago I freed myself from standard-procedure society, I broke the chains of fear that kept me locked up into the system. Since then, I see the world from a different perspective: the one that everything is going through change and that most of us are unaware of that.

Why is the world changing? In this post I’ll point out the 8 reasons that lead me to believe it.

No one can stand the employment model any longer

We are reaching our limits. People working with big corporations can’t stand their jobs. The lack of purpose knocks on your door as if it came from inside you like a yell of despair.

People want out. They want to drop everything. Take a look on how many people are willing to risk entrepreneurship, people leaving on sabbaticals, people with work-related depression, people in burnout.

2. The entrepreneurship model is also changing

Over the past few years, with the explosion of startups, thousands of entrepreneurs turned their garages in offices to bring their billion dollar ideas to life.

The vortex of entrepreneurship was to find an investor and get funded. To be funded was like winning the World Cup, or the Super Bowl.

But what happens after you get funded?

You get back to being an employee. You may have brought in people not sharing your dream, not in agreement with your purpose and soon it’s all about the money. The financial end becomes the main driver of your business.

People are suffering with it. Excellent startups began to tumble because the money seeking model is endless.

A new way to endeavor is needed. Good people are doing it already.

3. The rise of collaboration

Many people have figured out that it doesn’t make any sense to go on by yourself. Many people have awakened from the “each man for himself” mad mentality.

Stop, take a step back and think. Isn’t it absurd that we, 7 billion of us living in the same planet, have grown further apart from each other? What sense does it make to turn your back on the thousands, maybe millions, of people living around you in the same city? Every time it crosses my mind, I feel blue.

Fortunately, things are changing. Sharing, collaborative economy concepts are being implemented, and it points towards a new direction. The direction of collaborating, of sharing, of helping, of togetherness.

This is beautiful to watch. It touches me.

4. We are finally figuring out what the internet is

The internet is an incredibly spectacular thing and only now, after so many years, we are understanding its power. With the internet the world is opened, the barriers fall, the separation ends, the togetherness starts, the collaboration explodes, the helping emerges.

Some nations saw true revolutions that used the internet as the primary catalyst, such as the Arab Spring. Here in Brazil we are just starting to make a better use out of this amazing tool.

Internet is taking down mass control. The big media groups controlling news by how it suits best what they want the message to be and what they want us to read are no longer the sole owners of information. You go after what you want. You bond to whomever you want. You explore whatever you may want to.

With the advent of the internet, the small is no longer speechless, there is a voice. The anonymous become acknowledged. The world comes together. And then the system may fall.

5. The fall of exaggerated consumerism

For too long, we’ve been manipulated to consume as much as we possibly can. To buy every new product launched, the newest car, the latest iPhone, the top brands, lots of clothes, shoes, lots and lots and lots of pretty much anything we could our hands on.

Going against the crowd, many people have understood that this of way off. Lowsumerism, slow life and slow food are a few excerpts of actions being taken as we speak, pointing out by contradiction how absurdly we have come to organize ourselves.

Fewer people are using cars, fewer people are overspending, and more people are swapping clothes, buying used goods, sharing assets, cars, apartments, offices.

We don’t need all of that they told us we needed. And this consciousness of new consumerism can take down any company living of the exaggerated end of it.

6. Healthy and organic eating

We were so crazy we even accepted eating anything! It only needed to taste good, and everything would be alright.

We were so disconnected that companies started to poison our food and we didn’t say anything!

But then some people started waking up, enabling and strengthening healthy and organic eating.

This is only to get stronger.

But what has this got to do with economy and work? Just about everything, I’d say.

Food production is one of the basic fundamentals of our society. If we change our mindset, our eating habit and our way of consuming, corporations will have to respond and adapt to a new market.

The small farmer is getting back to being relevant to the whole chain of production. Even people are growing plants and seeds inside their homes as well.

And that reshapes the whole economy.

7. The awakening of spirituality

How many friends do you have who practice yoga? What about meditation? Now think back, 10 years ago, how many people did you know by then who practiced these activities?

Spirituality, for too long, was for esoteric folks, those weird-like and mystic people.

But fortunately, this is also changing. We’ve come to the edge of reason and rationality. We were able to realize that, with only our conscious mind, we can’t figure out everything that goes by here. There is something else going on and I’m sure you want to get hold of that as well.

You want to understand how these things work.

How life operates, what happens after death, what is this energy thing people talk about so much, what is quantum physics, how thoughts can be materialized and create our sense of reality, what is coincidence and synchronicity, why meditation works, how it’s possible to cure using nothing but bare hands, how those alternative therapies not approved by regular medicine can actually work.

Companies are providing meditation to their employees. Even schools are teaching the young how to meditate. Think about it.

8. Unschooling trends

Who created this teaching model? Who chose the classes you have to take? Who chose the lessons we learn in history classes? Why didn’t they teach us the truth about other ancient civilizations?

Why should kids follow a certain set of rules? Why should they watch everything in silence? Why should they wear a uniform? What about taking a test to prove that you actually learned?

We developed a model that perpetuates and replicates followers of the system. That breed people into ordinary human beings.

Fortunately, a lot of people are working to rethink that though concepts such as unschooling, hackschooling, homeschooling.

Maybe you’ve never thought of that and even may be in shock. But it’s happening. Silently, people are being woken up and are realizing how crazy it is to live in this society.

Look at all these new actions and try to think everything is normal we were taught so far is normal. I don’t think it is.

There is something extraordinary happening.

from:    http://humansarefree.com/2015/12/there-is-something-extraordinary.html

Moving into Personal Purpose

How to Shift From Obligation to Purpose

Written by November 3, 2015

abundant-mystic-action-obligation-compressed

When was the last time you did something for the sheer joy of it?

When was the last time you made something for no reason other than the making of it?

When was the last time you went somewhere just because it was there?

If it’s been a while, you may need to reconnect with your Purpose.

Your Purpose can be a powerful presence in your life… but often it is overpowered by the contradictory feeling and vibration of obligation.

I’ve spent a lifetime untangling the two and learning to distinguish between Obligation and Purpose.

I grew up in a family where just about everything was motivated by obligation. My father practiced law for most of his life, a career he very quickly came to hate. But because he felt obligated to provide for his family he never allowed for other options.

And that obligation led to resentment and anger. As I grew, I vowed, mostly unconsciously, that I would NEVER work from of a sense of obligation. I would “find my purpose” and only do work that came from joy and fueled my joy.

That’s what I vowed.

But, as they say… the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!

So, while I found my “calling” and the work that would eventually bring me joy… it took many years before I stepped out from the shadow of obligation that followed me around.

Have you ever met a doctor who does great work in the world, helping people, healing people, but feels burned out and exhausted all the time because he feels obligated?

How about an activist who can’t find time for a “day off” because she feels obligated to go to every rally and demonstration?

Or what about an energy healer who feels that she is personally responsible for healing every one of her clients?

And have you ever given money to a homeless person because you felt obligated – responsible, guilty, etc. – to do so?

Whatever your individual purpose might be our higher purpose is to awaken to our Higher Self and, in the process, raise the vibration of this planet.

Acting from joy and love raises your vibration and the vibration of those around you. Acting from obligation dampens or lowers your vibration… no matter how noble or valuable the action might be!

Let me say that another way:

Doing noble things – healing people, working for a cause, giving money to someone in need – because you feel obligated to do so does NOT lead to a long-term, sustainable increase in your vibration and the vibration of those around you!

Your vibration may rise while you are engaged in the action but that heightened vibration is not sustainable if the action is based on obligation.

Years ago when I started doing Intuitive Coaching and Energy Healing my vibration would be sky-high during the session. But after the session, the strand of obligation that ran through my motivation would pull me down very quickly and often to a lower vibration than before the session.

So does the short-lived high vibration I held during the session, and the somewhat higher vibration of my client counteract the lower vibration I had after the session?

I actually don’t think so.

Obligation is a bottomless pit that can never be filled. No matter how much you do you can never satiate that sense of obligation. As quickly as you fill in that hole, the energy of obligation digs it deeper.

The energy of Purpose, on the other hand, provides a solid foundation upon which you can build. When you act from purpose you are able to build sustainable structures… including higher vibrational thoughts, emotions and actions.

There is never enough for the insatiable energy of obligation. You can never do enough, achieve enough, provide enough or be enough.

With purpose there is always enough. Every action is enough. You are enough.

Every action you take from obligation brings you back to neutral (or lower).

Action taken from purpose adds to and enhances what you have already created.

So begin to pay attention to your motivation, not just your actions. What drives you to do what you do? Is it joy, love, and passion? Or is it responsibility, guilt, and fear? Are you acting from passion or obligation? Are you attempting to fill in that bottomless pit or build something of lasting value?

What action will you take from purpose today?

What will you do for the sheer joy of it?

What will you build? What will you create?

What will your purpose move you to bring into this world today?

from:    http://consciouslifenews.com/shift-obligation-purpose/1181918/

Some De-Cluttering Tips

How to Let Go of Clutter and Simplify Your Life

cluttered mind

You know what I recently noticed? That I am no longer attached to material things like I used to be.

There was a time when, because I was attached to every little thing that I possessed, I would get so mad whenever someone would take my things, use them and at times break them. And oh my, all the drama that was created around that. But now I no longer care.

Even though I can afford to a lot of ‘stuff’, I have reached a point in my life where spending my money on all kind of physical things no longer excites me. In fact I seem to get a lot more excited when I give my things away than I do when I buy them. I guess this is what happens the moment you begin to understand that you are more than your possessions and that your value doesn’t come from how much ‘stuff’ you have but from who you are internally.

“Out of clutter, find simplicity.” ~ Albert Einstein

We live in a world that teaches us that more is better and that the more we have, the more valuable we become and the better our lives will get. But where is the peace in that?

Where is the peace in always striving and never arriving? Where is the peace in never being satisfied with what you already have and always wanting more, more, more? Where is the peace in allowing your material possessions to control you and your life instead of you being the one in control?

When is enough, enough?

“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~ Lao Tzu

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we should all give our material possessions away and live on the streets. That’s far from it. What I’m saying is that we shouldn’t waste our lives working so hard to make money, just so we can spend those money on gathering a lot of stuff and clutter our lives. There’s more to life than hoarding a lot of ‘stuff’.

“A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to let alone.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

Living in a constant chase to acquire more stuff is exhausting. It makes you think that where you are, who you are and what you now have is never enough and that you should seek to have more, do more and become more.

It’s a trap.

“But here’s the thing–no matter how many possessions you have, you never feel secure. As soon as you get one thing, there is always something else you “need”.” ~ Karen Kingston

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but there are many people who  give way too much importance and value to their material possessions. And that’s only because they take their sense of identity, their value and their worth from all of those things.

When you have no idea who you are, and what really means to be a valuable and worthy human being, you can’t help but think that the value and quantity of your stuff says a lot about your value.

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~ Maya Angelou

I think it’s very important for people to understand that your value doesn’t come from how much stuff you have, how shiny it all is and how much you paid for it. Your true value comes from the fact that you were once born into this physical world and that you are now living and breathing on this beautiful planet. That’s where your true value comes from.

You are a valuable and worthy human being not because you hoarded a lot of physical things but because you were once born.

We are all here for a reason. We are all here because each and every one of us has a purpose to fulfill. And that purpose and that reason isn’t about us gathering a lot of ‘stuff’ and then allowing that ‘stuff’ to clutter our lives and to keep us from walking on our life path.

There’s nothing wrong in having beautiful things and allowing those things to give more meaning and color to your life. But if you fall into the trap of allowing your material possessions to keep you from honoring yourself, your purpose and from creating the life you were meant to create, than that can become a problem.

“Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!” ~ Og Mandino

Work on making the relationship you have with yourself and your life path more important than the relationship you have with your material possessions. Never allow your attachment to your material things to keep you from going where your heart wants you to go and from doing the things that your Soul came here to do.

If life ever asks you to relocate. If your hear your heart telling you that you should leave behind the life you are now living and the many material things you are currently clinging on to so that you can start a new life someplace else, dare to listen. Trust the wisdom of your inner voice and trust in the wisdom of life. Because that’s what life is really all about.

“You can only lose what you cling to.” ~ Buddha

Love your things. Let them beautify and give more meaning to your life. But never allow them to get in the way of you living the life you came here to live. Never allow them to burden you, to control you and to keep you from living the simple, beautiful and meaningful life you are meant to live. Never use your attachment to all your physical possessions as an excuse of why you can’t do the things that your heart, soul and intuitions are asking you to do.

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

Source: “Let Go of Clutter and Live a More Simple Life,” from purposefairy.com, by Luminita D. Saviuc

– See more at: http://theunboundedspirit.com/how-to-let-go-of-clutter-and-simplify-your-life/#sthash.ORwsMDZi.dpuf