Phoenix Rising Star in Ego

Messages from my heart: Healing Ego Driven Responses

By Phoenix Rising Star

I was anticipating a future conversation, feeling that anxiety, that sinking feeling that says ‘this isn’t going to be pretty’.

I was organizing a come-back in my mind. Trying to think of the best and fastest way to make my point, to not allow myself to be put down, and to respond so brilliantly, there would be no further discussion.

This woman really gets to me. Fortunately I don’t have to deal with her very often, but when I see an email from her, I cringe. She’s power driven, uses corporate-minded tactics that cuts the rug out from under me, and pressures everyone to do things her way.

I haven’t yet figured out a way to work with her without anxiety on my part.

As I was mulling this over, creating my exceptional responses, I suddenly realized what I was doing. I was just as much in my head as she was. I was responding from my head to her actions from her head; from the ego.

And I was judging HER for this.


The more I thought about it, the more I realized that’s how ego works. It creates a scenario, and the automatic response in most of us is to respond in kind. Her power driven words were causing me to try to respond in an equally power driven manner.

And it wasn’t working. I was failing miserably at it; feeling badly. The words weren’t coming out right. Nothing about my comebacks worked or felt right.

And that is also how ego works. There will never be enough. There will always be a shortage, a limitation, a lack, a need that is unfulfilled with ego. Nothing will ever be complete with ego. ‘An eye for an eye’ will go on until there are no more eyes.

There’s a part of us that understands that lack is not in alignment with our soul. Our natural state as a soul is to be abundant. This awareness gives us the opportunity to look at other options for our reactions, our emotions, our thoughts, our ways of living. Propelling us into living in the heart. If we choose it.

I decided to call this my healing opportunity.

Healing my automatic reactions to ego driven experiences.

Healing my ego responses and choosing to react from my heart.

Or rather, to not react, but to be in my heart.


I didn’t really know how to do this.

There may be a manual on it, but I doubted that had it.

Just thinking about books gave me an idea, though.

I went into my sacred space of my heart.

I’m very visual, so when I’m there, I see incredible details.

In my sacred space of my heart, I have an Akashic records room. It looks just like an old library or book collection. Books are on shelves, and the shelves stretch way up over my reach. Fortunately there is a ladder for me to climb so I can get to the very top if need be.

Volumes and volumes and volumes of bound books are in my records room.

Recording all my awarenesses, knowledge, understanding, hopes, dreams, aspirations, as well as all the people, players, situations, lifetimes, and experiences I’ve had.


When I need something, I go here.

Everything has already been experienced.

I’m just reliving it or relearning it, if I so choose.

I figured this wasn’t the first time around this knowledge.

Now I choose to remember it and live it.

As I entered my Akashic record room, I asked for the book or chapter that would help me heal the automatic reaction of my ego.

Immediately I was led to the top shelf of the third bookcase from the left. Climbing the ladder to retrieve it, I was a bit overwhelmed to see a huge volume entitled, “Healing Ego Driven Responses”.

Curiously I took it down from the shelf, climbed back down the ladder, and took the volume into my tiny space of my heart. Curling up in a comfortable position, the book fell open to a section titled, “Addictions”.

Under this title, written similarly to a medical dictionary, there were different addictions in sub-categories such as ‘Sugar’. ‘Emotions/Drama’. ‘Mental Beliefs’. ‘Spiritual Experiences’.

And under each sub-category, was a description of that particular addiction as well as its origin. With suggestions for healing.

I knew I probably could learn from the sub-category of sugar, but I found myself irresistibly drawn to Mental Beliefs.

Under that sub-category were several chapters on different belief systems.

Again I was irresistibly drawn to one.

‘The Need To Be Right’.

Curious, I began reading.

“The need to be right is demonstrated in the actions of a person who insists. It can also be seen in actions similar to stubbornness and persistence, but in a manner that indicates an unwillingness to allow for any one’s opinions, thoughts or feelings. This need can also be demonstrated in control issues, because controlling the outcome ensures the individual is always right.

“The origin of this addiction may be in past lives that were not healed, and also in childhood of the present lifetime. Individuals who were looking for validation outside of themselves, and were never encouraged to believe in his/her own perspective or intuition will many times build this belief system within. Individuals who were sporadically, but not consistently rewarded for good ideas, sometimes build this addiction over time. Individuals who are filled with fear of making a mistake will also build this addiction.

“Like all addictions, mental beliefs build on themselves. It starts with a subconscious decision, and in the cellular memory, becomes reinforced through subsequent experiences. Until eventually, the individual actions become those that feed the addiction, in this case, the need to be right, rather than the focused intention of the occasion or meeting.

“Healing this addiction begins with healing the fear of making a mistake. The individual must recognize that mistakes are old programs frequently associated with shame and blame. When the word opportunity is substituted for mistake, the negative connotation is replaced, and the painful emotions are neutralized. Thus, enabling the individual to view everything as an opportunity for growth. Not to be judged harshly.

“Healing this addiction may also be accomplished through the intention of releasing the cellular memory where this belief began. And with the intention that the replacement of that memory be a higher belief system embodying self love and support.

“Healing this addiction may also be accomplished through the experience of seeing it in others. Having others reflect it back. Becoming aware of it within through the viewing the actions without. Using heart-felt intention will create a powerful transformation in this way.”

Oh my goodness!

I recognized that what was giving me anxiety about this situation was my own fear of making a mistake. Of not being right. Of being judged for it. I had this very fear within me. And seeing it in her, made me aware of it. ‘Becoming aware of it within through viewing the actions without.’

I knew what I needed to do.

I invited the woman I had viewed as egotistic and the antagonist into my tiny space of my heart. The place closest to God. My space of creation for my heart’s desires.

I intended to share with her what I had learned about myself. What I had learned about us. What I learned about humanity.

When she came in, she appeared younger than I’d ever seen her. She looked around interestedly and then sat down.

We sat and smiled at each other.

And kept smiling and smiling.

I found I had nothing to say.

There was nothing to say.

It was complete.

“Healing this addiction may also be accomplished through the experience of seeing it in others. Having others reflect it back. Becoming aware of it within through the viewing the actions without. Using heart-felt intention will create a powerful transformation in this way.”

I felt at peace.

And so, it appeared, did she.

After quite a long time of sitting in silence and smiling at each other, quite comfortably, she got up and left.

Later that morning, when I went to my computer, I saw an email from her.

And I smiled. Feeling quite at peace.


Respectfully yours,
Phoenix Rising Star