Perils of Empathy

5 Ways to Stop Absorbing Negative Energy from Others

EnergyAnna Hunt, Staff Writer
Waking Times

With empathy, the ability to recognize and feel other people’s emotions, comes the disadvantage of also absorbing the suffering and negativity of the others around you. When this occurs, your ability to function at your best can be significantly impacted. Even a person who is not so empathic can be affected energetically when around negative or dramatic people.

Absorbing other people’s negative energy can be just as toxic on a person as ingesting unhealthy food, and perhaps even more noticeably draining. Thus, learning how to stop this from happening can be a valuable skill. Here are five methods that you can use so you absorb less negative energy from others around you.

1) Be Selective About the People You Allow into Your Life

You have to come to terms that not everyone will like you, and you don’t have to become friends with everyone that you meet. You do not need to pressure yourself into befriending everyone you meet, either at work, though existing friends, or via your kids. Of course you want to be polite, but trust your intuition when meeting new people and don’t ever feel like you need to spend time with people just because you’ve come to know them by association.

Furthermore, if you find yourself often needing to vent about a person, have a friend that is consistently negative about life, or feel like someone in your life is regularly taking advantage of you or is unkind to you, then perhaps it is time to create some distance. Some friendships or relationships are just not good for you, and you have to be able to accept that. Once you do, you can let go of the friends and acquaintances who dump their negativity on you.

Learning to let go and saying “no” to people who do not deserve your time and attention allows you more time for the ones that do, including your family and YOURSELF.

2) Don’t Try Please Everyone

We all have only so many hours in one day, so be selective about who receives your time. Don’t waste it on people who don’t seem to care about you, give you a hard time, or are overly critical of you. Just as you won’t like certain individuals, there will be some that don’t like you or do not treat you kindly.

Focus on developing relationships that seem to thrive naturally, versus working on getting people to like you who naturally don’t gravitate to you. The latter will not only leave you drained, they will probably affect how you perceive yourself.

3) Beware of Energy Vampires

As already mentioned, you may have existing friends that are always negative about life, but consider that some people are can be even more toxic. These types could be dubbed energy vampires because they suck you dry of all positive energy and leave you with all their negativity. That is what keeps them going.

Beware of energy vampires who always use negative words and dump negative emotions onto you. Notice which “friends” use pessimistic language or treat you like a soundboard for their negative feelings. You are likely absorbing all of their negativity every time you see them.

This doesn’t mean stop being there for a friend in need, but pay attention to the ones that take advantage of a kind ear or are inclined to always use negative language. Let them know how you feel about all the pessimism. If these “friends” don’t understand that they are draining you, then perhaps they are not really your friends.

4) Be Responsible for Yourself

You are the only person that has control over how you feel. In any situation, you have the choice of how you react and what you do. Some say it takes years of training to control your feelings, but it all starts with awareness, which you can practice right now.

Taking responsibility for yourself means that you have to start becoming aware of how you feel when certain people are around you. And then are not afraid to take action. If you spend time with someone who makes you feel bad or leaves you drained, it is time to create some distance between you and that person.

Don’t be a victim, because you have the power of how you experience life. You will absorb more goodness and less negativity if you really reflect on how people, places and situations make you feel, and then take action to change what does not serve you.

5) Spend Time Alone

For some reason the Western society has come to denigrate personal characteristics such as introversion, shyness, timidity, etc. However, time alone, and the personal discovery that happens during this time, can be quite healing and regenerating.

For some, solitude is quite difficult as it is a time when a person starts to really look at what’s happening with their own self. Yet it is necessary if you are to cultivate the awareness you need to identify when you absorb negative energy and who in your life is an energy vampire.

Remember simple tools such as breathing slowly, quiet meditation, reading a good book, and spending time in nature. They are all available to you so you can enjoy solitude. Use these tools when you are ready to take action to rid yourself of unwanted energetic toxicity and reinforce yourself for yet another day.

from:    http://www.wakingtimes.com/2016/07/02/5-ways-to-stop-absorbing-negative-energy-from-others/

On Solitude

10 Amazing Things That Happen When You Learn to Enjoy Being Alone

10 Amazing Things That Happen When You Learn to Enjoy Being Alone

Story by: Tony Robinson (www.bodymindsoulspirit.com)

 

Some people think of “being alone” as a bad thing. It either means you’re anti-social, or unwanted, neither of which are a good position to be in.

But actually, being alone isn’t’ necessarily a bad thing, as there are a handful of benefits that emerge once you learn to embrace solitude.

I’m not advocating you go all Tom Hanks in Cast Away, because no one can argue the benefits, and the joys, that come along with fulfilling relationships with other people.

But I am saying that once you learn to enjoy being alone, you’re going to grow as a person.

Below are ten amazing things that will happen in your life when you start to enjoy being alone.

1. Youll get to recharge.

Often times when we’re surrounded by other people, we’re expending a lot of energy. Trying to keep others happy, make them laugh, soothe their egos, read their emotions, and all of the other rigors that come along with regular interaction.

It can be mentally draining if you’re constantly connected to other people. A little alone time lets you recharge and take a break from the emotionally and mentally taxing job of constant interaction.

2. Youll reflect more often.

Your life is always moving at a crazy fast pace. So fast in fact, that it’s probably rare when you have a moment alone to sit and reflect on your life.

Being alone gives you the perfect opportunity for a little self reflection. Since you aren’t spending so much time processing the thoughts and feelings of others, it’s the best time to turn your focus inwards.

Solitude provides the perfect environment for reflection.

3. Youll get in touch with your own emotions.

Again, when you’re surrounded by other people all the time, you’re constantly trying to read, and cater to, the other persons’s emotions. So much so, that you could end up losing touch with your own.

When you start to enjoy being alone, you’ll gain a greater perspective for your own emotions. You’ll create a deeper understanding of what makes you happy, what upsets you, and what saddens you.

With that knowledge, it’s then easier to regulate your emotions. But it all starts with understanding how you feel, and that comes from a little bit of solitude.

4. Youll start doing things you actually enjoy.

When you’re constantly in the company of other people, you’re always making compromises in order to find solutions that the entire group can enjoy. And unfortunately, the things you want most, may not always line up with what the group wants.

So it’s easy to enjoy being alone once you realize that doing so gives you more freedom to do the things you actually want to do.

5. Youll become more productive.

Being in the company of other people can be fun and entertaining, but it can also seriously affect your productivity. There are times when the company of other people acts as nothing more than a distraction from getting your work done.

Time spent alone can be some of the most productive time in your life—mostly because there are less distractions, and you can just put your head down and get to work.

6. Youll enjoy your relationships even more.

When you spend time alone on a regular basis, and eventually start to enjoy being alone, you’ll come to find that you also enjoy your relationships with other people even more.

And that’s because the time spent alone gives you a greater appreciation for yourself.

But it also let’s you appreciate all the great things that come from your relationships with other people, most of which you were oblivious to before.

7. Youll feel more independent.

Once you enjoy being alone, you’ll feel more confident in your ability to actually be alone. And that naturally leads to you feeling more independent.

You’ll no longer feel that anxiety, or burning desire for company, once you learn to enjoy being alone. You won’t feel the need for constant interaction with other people, or the anxiety associated with looking around and seeing no one but yourself.

8. Youll get a break from constantly trying to keep other people happy.

Life is filled with relationships, and most relationships only last when both people are kept happy. And that can turn into a draining job depending who that relationship is with. Now, this does’t only apply to personal relationships, but every kind of relationship.

Once you’re alone, the only person’s happiness you have to worry about in that moment, is your own. You can treat yourself to thing that makes you happy, but may have upset someone else.

9. You wont have to apologize for anything.

When you start to enjoy being alone, you’ll quickly see that solitude means you don’t have to keep apologizing for what you’ve done. So often, we do things that end up upsetting other people, or hurting someone else’s feelings, and then have to quickly apologize for it.

But when you’re alone, you don’t have to apologize for anything. And that takes a lot of pressure out of most situations. You get to stop second guessing everything you say, or every move you make because you’re afraid someone is going to be offended, or saddened, and angered.

10. Youll stop looking for validation.

So often we feel we the need to get the “OK” from our friends and family before we take action. We constantly look to other people for advice on what we should do next.

Of course, there are times where it’s not only perfectly acceptable to ask for advice, but downright necessary. But there are also times where we’re perfectly capable of acting on our own, be we instead of looking to others for an answer.

When you start to spend more time alone, you’ll learn to trust your instincts and make decisions without any third party validation.

from:    http://spiritofmaat.com/magazine/january-2015-consciousness-of-perception/10-amazing-things-that-happen-when-you-learn-to-enjoy-being-alone/

Traits of The Very Intuitive

10 Things Highly Intuitive People Do Differently

Posted: Updated:
INTUITION

Intuition is challenging to define, despite the huge role it plays in our everyday lives. Steve Jobs called it, for instance, “more powerful than intellect.” But however we put it into words, we all, well, intuitively know just what it is.

Pretty much everyone has experienced a gut feeling — that unconscious reasoning that propels us to do something without telling us why or how. But the nature of intuition has long eluded us, and has inspired centuries’ worth of research and inquiry in the fields of philosophy and psychology.

“I define intuition as the subtle knowing without ever having any idea why you know it,” Sophy Burnham, bestselling author of The Art of Intuition, tells The Huffington Post. “It’s different from thinking, it’s different from logic or analysis … It’s a knowing without knowing.”

Our intuition is always there, whether we’re aware of it or not. As HuffPost President and Editor-in-Chief Arianna Huffington puts it in her upcoming book Thrive:

Even when we’re not at a fork in the road, wondering what to do and trying to hear that inner voice, our intuition is always there, always reading the situation, always trying to steer us the right way. But can we hear it? Are we paying attention? Are we living a life that keeps the pathway to our intuition unblocked? Feeding and nurturing our intuition, and living a life in which we can make use of its wisdom, is one key way to thrive, at work and in life.

Cognitive science is beginning to demystify the strong but sometimes inexplicable presence of unconscious reasoning in our lives and thought. Often dismissed as unscientific because of its connections to the psychic and paranormal, intuition isn’t just a bunch of hoo-ha about our “Spidey senses” — the U.S. military is even investigating the power of intuition, which has helped troops to make quick judgments during combat that ended up saving lives.

“There is a growing body of anecdotal evidence, combined with solid research efforts, that suggests intuition is a critical aspect of how we humans interact with our environment and how, ultimately, we make many of our decisions,” Ivy Estabrooke, a program manager at the Office of Naval Research, told the New York Times in 2012.

Here are 10 things that people in touch with their intuition do differently.

They listen to that inner voice.

introspection

“It’s very easy to dismiss intuition,” says Burnham. “But it’s a great gift that needs to be noticed.”

The No. 1 thing that distinguishes intuitive people is that they listen to, rather than ignore, the guidance of their intuitions and gut feelings.

“Everybody is connected to their intuition, but some people don’t pay attention to it as intuition,” Burnham say. “I have yet to meet a successful businessman that didn’t say, ‘I don’t know why I did that, it was just a hunch.'”

In order to make our best decisions, we need a balance of intuition — which serves to bridge the gap between instinct and reasoning — and rational thinking, according to Francis Cholle, author of The Intuitive Compass. But the cultural bias against following one’s instinct or intuition often leads to disregarding our hunches — to our own detriment.

“We don’t have to reject scientific logic in order to benefit from instinct,” says Cholle. “We can honor and call upon all of these tools, and we can seek balance. And by seeking this balance we will finally bring all of the resources of our brain into action.”

They take time for solitude.

intuition

If you want to get in touch with your intuition, a little time alone may be the most effective way. Just as solitude can help give rise to creative thinking, it can also help us connect to our deepest inner wisdom.

Intuitive people are often introverted, according to Burnham. But whether you’re an introvert or not, taking time for solitude can help you engage in deeper thought and reconnect with yourself.

“You have to be able to have a little bit of solitude; a little bit of silence,” she says. “In the middle of craziness … you can’t recognize [intuition] above all of the noise of everyday life.”

They create.

solitude

“Creativity does its best work when it functions intuitively,” writes researcher and author Carla Woolf.

In fact, creative people are highly intuitive, explains Burnham, and just as you can increase your creativity through practice, you can boost your intuition. In fact, practicing one may build up the other.

They practice mindfulness.

Meditation and other mindfulness practices can be an excellent way to tap into your intuition. As the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute explains, “Mindfulness can help you filter out mental chatter, weigh your options objectively, tune into your intuition and ultimately make a decision that you can stand behind completely.”

Mindfulness can also connect you to your intuition by boosting self-knowledge. A 2013 study published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science showed that mindfulness — defined as “paying attention to one’s current experience in a non-judgmental way” — may help us to better understand our own personalities. And as Arianna Huffington notes in Thrive, increased intuition, compassion, creativity and peace are all wonderful side effects of meditating.

They observe everything.

look out window

“The first thing to do is notice — keep a little journal, and notice when odd things happen,” Burnham says. You’ll gain a keen sense for how often coincidences, surprising connections and on-the-dot intuitions occur in your daily life — in other words, you’ll start to tap into your intuition.

They listen to their bodies.

Intuitive people learn to tune into their bodies and heed their “gut feelings.”

If you’ve ever started feeling sick to your stomach when you knew something was wrong but couldn’t put your finger on what, you understand that intuitions can cause a physical sensation in the body. Our gut feelings are called gut feelings for a reason — research suggests that emotion and intuition are very much rooted in the “second brain” in the gut.

They connect deeply with others.

empathy

Mind reading may seem like the stuff of fantasy and pseudo-science, but it’s actually something we do everyday. It’s called empathic accuracy, a term in psychology that refers to the “seemingly magical ability to map someone’s mental terrain from their words, emotions and body language,” according to Psychology Today.

“When you see a spider crawling up someone’s leg, you feel a creepy sensation,” Marcia Reynolds writes in Psychology Today. “Similarly, when you observe someone reach out to a friend and they are pushed away, your brain registers the sensation of rejection. When you watch your team win or a couple embrace on television, you feel their emotions as if you are there. Social emotions like guilt, shame, pride, embarrassment, disgust and lust can all be experienced by watching others.”

Tuning into your own emotions, and spending time both observing and listening to others face-to-face can help boost your powers of empathy, says Reynolds.

They pay attention to their dreams.

dreaming

Burnham recommends paying attention to your dreams as a way to get in touch with your mind’s unconscious thinking processes. Both dreams and intuition spring from the unconscious, so you can begin to tap into this part of your mind by paying attention to your dreams.

“At night, when you’re dreaming, you’re receiving information from the unconscious or intuitive part of your brain,” says Burnham. “If you’re attuned to your dreams, you can get a lot of information about how to live your life.”

They enjoy plenty of down time.

dream studies

Few things stifle intuition as easily as constant busyness, multitasking, connectivity to digital devices and stress and burnout. According to Huffington, we always have an intuitive sense about the people in our lives — on a deep level, we know the good ones from the “flatterers and dissemblers” — but we’re not always awake enough to our intuition to acknowledge the difference to ourselves. The problem is that we’re simply too busy.

“We always get warnings from our heart and our intuition when they appear,” she writes in Thrive. “But we are often too busy to notice.”

They mindfully let go of negative emotions.

Strong emotions — particularly negative ones — can cloud our intuition. Many of us know that we feel out of sorts or “not ourselves” when we’re upset, and it may be because we’re disconnected from our intuition.

“When you are very depressed, you may find your intuition fails,” says Burnham. “When you’re angry or in a heightened emotional state … your intuition [can] fail you completely.”

The evidence isn’t just anecdotal: A 2013 study published in the journal Psychological Science showed that being in a positive mood boosted the ability to make intuitive judgments in a word game.

That’s not to say that intuitive people never get upset — but your intuition will fare better if you’re able to mindfully accept and let go of negative emotions for the most part, rather than suppressing or dwelling on them.

from:    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/19/the-habits-of-highly-intu_n_4958778.html

Neale Donald Walsch on Self-Creation

Who Are You When Alone?

Neale Donald Walsch
a message from Neale Donald Walsch
Saturday, 17 March, 2012  (posted 28 March, 2012)

My dear friends…

Self-creation is a Holy Experience. It is sacred. It is you, deciding Who You Are. What do you think of yourself in the morning? First thing in the morning, what is your idea about yourself? How about the last thing at night? What is your final assessment of Self just before falling asleep?

This is you, deciding about you. Some people call it “wrestling with your conscience.”

In the quiet moments of your day, what do you think and do? When you are with your Self and no one else, how does life proceed for you? Do you eat well, or do you “sneak” a treat that you would not have if someone were watching?

Do you meditate every morning, or only the mornings that another is there? Do you exercise each day, or only on the days that another reminds you, cajoles you, shames you into it? Who are you when you are alone? 

Are you reconciled with your Self? When you talk to your Self, in your mind or even out loud, is your Self happy with you? How do you make the Self happy? How do you bring the Self joy? The answer to these questions says a great deal about you.

From where does your joy originate? Is it from something exterior to you, or from something interior? Is it from something you are doing, or something you are being?

And how do you bring your Self peace?

Finally: who do you think you are, anyway…?

And we will continue our explorations of all of this here next week. Until then…

 

 

Hugs and love,

Neale

© 2012 ReCreation Foundation – http://www.cwg.org

from:   http://spiritlibrary.com/neale-donald-walsch/who-are-you-when-alone